Complicated Affections
by deangirl22
Summary: (At its core, this is a Vawke story) After the desolation Anders causes, Lillian Hawke and her companions flee to Starkhaven, the homeland of her celibate husband. Free of the chaotic Kirkwall at last, Hawke has a real chance to settle down, but soon realizes that isn't what she wants, and that her heart does not belong to Sebastian. (Rated M for Isabella's crudeness.)
1. Prologue

Prologue

Lillian Amell Hawke was a proud warrior, revered in her achievements, but she was not blind to her failures. Her deepest regrets were Carver's untimely death and Bethany's inevitable exposure as a mage. However, nothing compared to finding her mother butchered by a lunatic. Now more than ever, she had turned to prayer, hoping the light of the Maker might shine down upon her and blot out the image seared into her mind of her mother's mangled corpse. Lillian found herself confining in Sebastian, the only one who knew what it was like to lose a family and the only visitor she had allowed since the tragedy conspired.

Lillian crossed her room and knelt down in front of her miniature chest. It was filled with small possessions she had owned before the Blight had driven her out of Lothering. Lifting the lid, Lillian gazed down at the mementos and felt the nostalgic ache eat at her heart. Movement to her left caught Lillian's attention and thinking it to be another burglar, she slammed the chest shut and stood. Her quickened heartbeat slowed slightly as her eyes met Varric's. She wanted to hug him, perhaps crumble in his arms and weep, knowing he would never hold such an action against her. Instead she addressed him in a monotone. "I don't want any visitors."

"That's not true Lavender, Choirboy's visited quite alot, hasn't he? Which is understandable, considering..." Varric began.

Taking a shaky breath, Lillian broke him off. "H-How is everyone?" she asked.

Varric was silent a moment, studying her. "...Good. They've written you know...well I wrote on behalf of Fenris since he doesn't know how to. Between you and me, I've taught him a little and he's making excellent strides. He'd much rather be slaying bandits of course, but I don't think he trusts himself without you around to ground him."

Lillian retreated to her bed, perching on its side. "..I'm not ready.." she whispered, mostly to herself. Her blue eyes followed Varric's as he headed for her desk and wasted no time pulling the chair out. Raising her voice she added. "I think you should go.."

Varric seemingly ignored her as he sat down, readjusting his jacket. "I hate to disagree with a grieving woman, but that doesn't mean I won't..." he replied with a neutral expression and an even tone.

"Varric.."

"Hawke...it's been two and a half weeks. You can ignore me if you want, but you need my presence just as much as I need yours. Besides, Bianca likes to keep track of her competition. So if you won't indulge me, at least indulge her." Lillian felt her lips crack into a smile. "Neither of us think Choirboy should be your only source of company, too much goodness is a bad thing."

"The expression is 'too much of a good thing, is a bad thing'." Lillian corrected.

"Well I was going to say that but I wasn't sure how you'd react to me calling Choirboy a 'thing'..." Varric retorted with a grin.

To her own amazement Lillian laughed, but it was only for a moment. "..Have you visited Bethany?" she asked softly, staring at the floor.

"...I think she's more heartbroken than you are, seeing as it was one of her own that did it."

"...If I had only been more vigilant than maybe..."

"No." Varric interrupted. Lillian glanced up at him sharply. "Don't do this Hawke; no good will come of you blaming yourself. Leandra wouldn't have wanted that."

Replying with a bittersweet smile, Lillian said. "You obviously don't know my mother..."

Varric could easily argue that point, but he decided not to. "...I know what she said as she passed on. She was at peace with her predicament."

"And how am I to be at peace knowing the only family I have left is a gambling bastard of an uncle and a sister I can only see once a month?!" Lillian snapped.

"You're forgetting Cessah." Varric pointed out and from the hallway, her Mabari barked his agreement. Continuing to address Lillian, Varric stood. "You may not recognize it, but we're all your family Hawke, Barnum, Sandal, Orianni...each one of us would stop at nothing to see you happy. We love you...and I don't use the word lightly. Especially when it comes to Rivanni."

There was a gentle knock on the door and Barnum's voice called through. "My lady? We're back from the market."

"Ah so that's how you got in.." Lillian mused.

"Actually I came in through the cellar tunnels, ya know the ones that connect to darktown. I considered bringing Blondie along but I figured he has enough to worry about without you holding resentment for him invading your home."

"...You weren't afraid I'd resent you?" Lillian asked.

"Nah, it's hard to resent a man that sings your praises." Varric answered coyly.

"I suspect my grief is having a poor impact on that vision of me you paint for your unsuspecting audience."

"Shows what you know about storytelling Hawke."

As Varric turned to leave, Lillian halted him. "Varric? Tell Anders I'd like to speak with him..here.." she requested. There was something other than grief that had been devouring Lillian's morale. It was time she faced it.

* * *

Lillian tore her eyes away from the dancing embers of the fireplace as Anders entered her room. She forced a smile onto her face but before she could say a word, he began to speak. "Justice does not approve of me being here. He thinks you're a distraction. Worse, he thinks you'll hold magekind accountable for what happened..."

"I don't." Lillian told him.

"I know, but it'll make things easier hearing you say it." Anders said with a nimble smile.

Lillian's faint smile grew dimmer. "I can't do this Anders.." she confessed.

Anders's face grew cloudy. "A relationship you mean?" She nodded. "Does it have anything to do with that lunatic?" She shook her head, but neither Anders nor Lillian knew if that was an honest response. "...Than...it's Sebastian isn't it? Course it is, he's the only one you've allowed visit you during this hardship...Not to mention he's kind, he's reliable..."

"Anders.." Lillian interrupted.

"He's safe." Anders continued. "And I'm not….You took my advice afterall…" he realized with a bitter smirk.

"..I'm sorry.." Lillian said sincerely.

"You needn't be…" Anders replied just as sincerely. "It's the right choice…except for the Sebastian part…"

Lillian perked an eyebrow. "..Excuse me?"

"He's not the right man for you Lil. Anyone could see that. You may think you share the same principals but you differ on a large one, a personal one even..apostates. Were it up to him, Merrill and I would've been made tranquil after our first meeting." Anders responded.

"You're wrong." Lillian argued.

"I'm not, and you know I'm not. He would never stand for magekind with an honest heart…Neither would Fenris for that matter."

With narrowed eyes, Lillian sighed. "Must you bring Fenris into this?"

Anders stared at her. "Must you always defend that rabid dog?!" he countered.

"Do not call him that!" Lillian warned.

A blue glow gleamed across Anders's brown eyes and when he opened his mouth, Justice spoke. "You defend someone who would slaughter your sister for sneezing without a second thought? Surely you know that elf is no less guilty of desire than I am. His ill-gotten devotion to you is the only reason Merrill's still breathing!"

"Enough Justice! I will hear no more!" Lillian snapped.

His lips curled into a snarl. "This impasse benefits us all! The elf will brood, the highborn will pray and the heroine will save the day…just as pure as the day she was born!" he growled, as the glow faded from his eyes. Blinking rapidly, Anders muttered under his breath as he tried to regain his composure. "Lily.."

"Leave Anders…Let us pretend you were never here.." Lillian told him, turning towards the fireplace once again. She refused to look at him, refused to see the raw emotion etched on his face. Justice had hit a very delicate nerve bringing her virginity into his ramble.

"...I'll go...but you should know, Fenris did threaten my life. Said he'd kill me if I broke your heart." Anders responded. Lillian resisted her urge to scoff and just fixed Anders with a blank stare. "If you don't believe me, ask Varric." he added sourly, turning on his heel. She never did.


	2. Chapter 1

With the ashes of the Chantry still drifting through the darkened sky, Anders sat hunched on a crate, his brown eyes full of apprehensive regret while Lillian debated his fate. Her enraged husband Sebastian hovered beside her, his knuckles were white, blue eyes aflame with anger. Lillian stared at Anders, still hoping this was a nightmare she'd awake from. Varric's voice roused her from her thoughts. "Hawke? We can't stay here, we have to get Sunshine and Daisy out of the city." he gently reminded. Lillian blankly tore her gaze away from Anders onto her nearby entourage of friends.

"No, I'm staying to fight." Bethany said firmly.

"Me as well." Merrill added bravely.

Aveline spoke up. "Regardless we can't keep standing here. You know what must be done."

Isabella glanced around feebly. "Judging from the looks of things, it's the perfect time to go raiding."

"Shut up whore." Aveline mumbled.

Fenris advised. "Slay him and be done with it."

Lillian couldn't in all good consciousness, slay someone she had cared about, someone who she suspected still had feelings for her. But such an unthinkable crime deserved nothing less than an execution, and were it anyone else Lillian wouldn't have faltered. Feeling Sebastian's attention shift onto her, Lillian swallowed the massive lump in her throat, she murmured. "Yes, Anders will die...but not by my hand."

"What?!" gasped Sebastian and Aveline.

Lillian couldn't look at her husband, or Anders, or anyone. Instead she stared at the bloodied templar a few inches from her boots. "He's my friend."

"He's a MURDERER!" Sebastian replied, glaring intently at Anders.

"And that undoes the nearly nine years we've spent together?" Lillian challenged.

"Are you forgetting what Elthina was to me?! That she was the one to marry us?" Sebastian spat.

"I forget nothing Sebastian." Lillian growled. It was because of this attribute, that Lillian's mind was racing with wonderment. Was this her fault? Had she not turned Anders away, had they shared a bed and the years that would followed, would they still be standing here now?

Fenris's voice lured her from her thoughts."Hawke…He is no longer your friend, he's an abomination. Cut him down before he causes more damage."

Merrill argued. "He should come with us, try to make things right."

Fenris barely turned his head when he barked. "No one is asking your opinion."

"Or yours!" Merrill taunted.

"Enough!" Aveline cut in. "Hawke..."

"If you want him dead kill him yourself!" Lillian snapped, leering freely. She could almost see the surprise fluttering through her companions like an airwave. Lillian's gaze lingered on Bethany, the sister she had barely glimpsed out of the Gallows for six years. Bethany looked lost, but determined with only mild traces of fear. Lillian's gaze dropped sideways onto Anders as she whispered. "It's too soon to know if I should thank you or curse you...but I do understand...and I forgive you..."

"Lily!" Sebastian protested brazenly.

"Goodbye Anders. Maker forgive you, Andraste embrace you.." Lillian told him, ignoring Sebastian as she moved forward, gently grabbing Bethany's arm with one hand, and withdrawing her longsword with the other. Lillian led her sister away from the group and didn't look back, though a sixth sense told her Varric was following.

Bethany softly asked. "Don't you want to see what happens Varric?"

"I'd rather not watch Blondie die Sunshine." Varric replied, unhooking Bianca from the strap across his torso. "Besides I'm telling Hawke's story, not his..." The hiss of Bianca firing whizzed through the air as he fired into an oncoming slew of templars.

* * *

The others, minus Anders, caught up eventually as if nothing had happened. Anger still radiated off Sebastian, Fenris still reeked of contempt and Aveline was stoic as ever, making it hard for Lillian to gauge what exactly had happened. She decided, just like Varric, she was better off to not know who had done the killing blow, if Merrill had teared-up, if Isabella had winced. Those details would come soon enough. Her only concern now was protecting Bethany. Yet even as Lillian squared off against an abomination, her heart was trenched in guilt, knowing she shared the blame for the atrocity that had befallen Kirkwall.

She had helped Anders collect ingredients, thinking she was helping him defuse Justice from his being. Later Anders had confessed he lied, that there was no undoing the bond between him and Justice. Lillian pressed him, but Anders dodged her every advance, demanding she help him further, regardless of his ulterior motives. Lillian refused. Angry and unthinking, she had walked away. Didn't speak to him for months…that is, until tonight.

As the abomination fell, Lillian swallowed hard, knowing tonight may've been avoided had she only taken back what she helped him obtain. Never once had it occurred to her that there may be ramifications.

"That was fun." Isabella panted, sheathing her daggers. "Now are we sure about this whole 'staying and defending the mages' thing? We could seize that ship and leave..."

Varric chuckled hoarsely. "You've been eyeing that ship ever since it first docked Riavini."

"And now's the perfect time to claim it. I have reason!" Isabella replied.

Fenris kept his sword at the ready as he started down the steps first. "Leave if you wish, I'm sure you'll come back mid-way out of the Free Marshes, realizing you still owe a debt to someone." he said.

Isabella's eyes darted to Lillian and she cursed inaudibly, as Merrill walked up beside her. "You aren't really leaving are you Isabella? You said you'd take me with you..but I want to stay and fight.."

Isabella smiled in a defeated kind of way. "No Kitten, I'm not going...I was just...joking."

"Right." Aveline grumbled, shepherding Bethany forward.

* * *

The boatride was long and silent. Lillian glanced at her husband, but Sebastian kept his eyes forward, arms crossed. Her gaze fell onto Varric who was rowing, and she was startled to see just how uncertain he looked. Lillian sensed Bethany approach her. "No matter what happens sister, know that I love you." she said softly.

"I love you too..which is why I'll die before I let them harm you." Lillian replied.

"And I you."

"Don't say that."

"I will die before harm befalls either of you." Sebastian spoke up.

Lillian's heart fluttered in relief, but when she looked at him, his face remained unreadable. Lillian slowly exhaled, turning her face to the approaching Gallows.

"Don't fret Sweet-Thing, he still loves you." Isabella reassured her. Lillian glanced at her curiously. "Just because I've never been in love, doesn't mean I don't know the look. He was still giving it to you, even as you walked away."

Lillian casually moved closer to Isabella. "Was it quick?" she murmured, referring to Anders.

"..Mostly.." Isabella replied.

"It was Fenris." Merrill added. "Sebastian was going to shoot him, but Fenris wanted to be sure so he...well he does what he usually does. Anders just sat there, and Aveline stood right in my face to make sure I didn't interrupt..I'm sorry Hawke.."

Lillian merely muttered. "Of course it was Fenris.."

* * *

It wasn't long before Lillian and the others were holed up in the deepest part of the Gallows, standing amongst what remained of the mages along with First Enchanter Orisino. Varric spoke to her first.

"Nervous Lavender?" he asked.

"You must be nervous to use my oh-so-rare nickname.." she deflected.

"Nah. Nervous about not finishing your story maybe, but otherwise...I'm fine." Varric replied with faux cheeriness. "Besides 'Lavender' is a mouthful, just like 'Sunshine'...yet nothing else would be a fitting nickname for either of you."

Lillian smiled numbly. "Thank you for everything Varric." she said sincerely.

"It's been an honor Hawke. If we survive this...don't let Choirboy turn you into a bore..." Varric requested.

A laugh slipped from Lillian's lips. "Promise."

"Good. Now go talk to him. I'll be here..taking notes..just in case Meredith doesn't butcher us all.." Varric responded.

Lillian did as Varric instructed, unsure if she should hold onto the bittersweet smile that had planted itself on her lips or wipe it off. Sebastian's piercing blue eyes met her identical ones. "It's hard to look at all these mages and not see Anders..but not every mage is like him, we are here to defend those who would be wrongly hurt.." he greeted.

"...I'm sorry about Elthina.." Lillian said softly.

"She was like a mother to me. He never even got to know her...neither did you, now that I think on it.." Sebastian paused and Lillian braced herself for the backlash. "...A shame. She liked you Lily. If she hadn't, she would've never wed us...certainly would've never..." Sebastian trailed off, and Lillian was shocked to see blush streaks appearing across his cheeks. "...reminded me that in such a case of being the last of my line, The Maker would not frown on...marital rights being..acted upon."

Lillian's eyebrows flew, causing creases to appear in her tattooed forehead. "Meaning sex?" she blurted. Sebastian's face grew pinker. "The Grand Cleric gave you permission to bed me and you didn't?!"

"Lily please.." Sebastian plead, his eyes darting from a curious Merrill to a smirking Varric. "Keep your voice down...I was waiting for the right time luv, when all this was over.."

Lillian crossed her arms indigently. "You blighted nug, I've been saving myself for you...and now we may never get the chance."

"How was I to know nothing had happened between you and Anders? The way he looked at you...Maker just the memory fills me with fresh envy.." Sebastian replied, flexing his hands into fists.

Lillian debated telling him the truth, that something almost had happened but even Varric didn't know about it. Was it really necessary now, on the eve of battle, especially with Anders dead? No, she decided.

"You hid it well.." Lillian mused.

"Being a brother of the faith, you learn to mask things that trouble you..otherwise confessions wouldn't be quite so personal..." Sebastian said.

"Speaking of...if we survive this..." Lillian began.

"When we survive this," Sebastian corrected. "We three," his blue eyes shifted to Bethany. "will return to Starkhaven. It needs a strong ruler in these troubling times. So I daresay we will all get what we want.." A smile bit at his lips. "Bethany will be safe, leading a normal life as she's always desired...While you and I, will be bond in flesh as well as spirit.." His hands grasped her gauntlets, his gaze crushing into her. "I love you Lily. It was my honor to claim you as my wife, and I will be just as humble to take you as my wife, if fate persists." His loving smile turned momentarily cheeky and Lillian felt her face flush. "I will not abandon you Lillian Amell-Hawke Vael. We are one in the Maker's eyes, if we fall here, may we meet again at His side."

"...I thought you said we were going to win." Lillian said lightly, hoping he'd pick up on the sarcastic edge to her words.

He did. "..We are luv," Seb chuckled. "Just in case.." he finished soberly, leaning forward and gingerly pressing his lips against hers. Lillian rested a hand along his jawline, deepening the kiss. She wanted it to last forever, to glimpse the body that shiny armor of his hid, to feel it against hers, but he pulled away, kissing the base of her wrist with an encouraging look emitting from his ocean eyes.

"Sister..you lucky bitch.." they overheard Bethany breathe. They both glanced across the room and it was Bethany's turn to blush, earning a roar of laughter from Varric and Fenris who stood near her.

"I must admit husband, I'm surprised you aren't heckling me...for Anders.." Lillian said.

"You cared about him, and he for you, moreso than he should've...that much was always clear to me. It was your caring alone that strayed my hand from turning him into the templars...such indecision, will always haunt me now.." Sebastian lowly replied, his eyes hardening in emotion.

"..I suppose it's silly...but some part of me felt like because he knew my cousin, to betray Anders would be betraying her as well..he told me all about their adventures in Amarathine...I hope if we survive, I'll get a chance to meet her.."

"I'll tell you what luv, once we are settled in Starkhaven, I will request an audience with the Hero of Ferderlan. She is family after all..."

Swept up by the thought, Lillian smiled. "That would be beyond wonderful."

Sebastian kissed the side of her mouth. "Then let us end this warfare." he declared.

* * *

The wind blew shrilly through the sails of 'The Reaver', the ship Isabella had happily seized the moment she could. It was cutting through the ocean with minimal effort. The atmosphere aboard the ship was a mix of triumphant, pride, and dread. Truthfully Lillian was feeling all three. Meredith had branded herself into a lyrium statue, which was quite frankly ironic. Bethany was safe, and carefully examining everyone that had been close to Meredith at the time. Lillian's Maburi Cessah had come running midway through the battle, had remained at her side ever since. She absentmindedly bent down and scratched his head. He barked a bit and licked her hand as she withdrew it. His tail began to wag, as Sebastian stepped up and wrapped his arms around Lillian's waist. "Bet Cullen wishes he hadn't granted you templar training now, eh?" he greeted, resting his chin against the curve of her jaw. "How exactly did you pull that off anyhow?"

"Oh can I tell the story?" Varric requested, from his perch on a barrel.

"Do I ever take such opportunities away from you Varric?" Lillian replied, as she separated herself from Sebastian.

"Not usually. But did you ever miss out Choirboy, Hawke looks rather stunning in templar garbe." Varric began.

"I don't doubt it." Sebastian chuckled, hooking an arm around Lillian's shoulders as they rested their weight against a long metal crate.

"Why would you?" Varric agreed. The humor slowly drained from Sebastian's face. Varric cleared his throat and began a long colorful tale of Lillian's stint as a templar-in-training. As it was being told, Sebastian found himself becoming less interested with the story, and more focused on Lillian's reactions. A constant smile was playing along her lips broken by the occasional heartfelt giggle. Her eyes were bright with cheer, in a way that Sebastian had scarcely seen before. Sebastian's fingers bunched into his palm, as he took a good hard look at Varric. "As it turns out Choirboy," he was saying. "Cullen watched over Hawke's cousin before she was The Hero Of Federlan, and grew terribly smitten with her. Fact, word is our dear Champion and the Hero shares the same taste in facial tattoos."

"Fascinating." Sebastian said dryly.

"Are you okay?" Lillian asked lightly.

"Course." Sebastian said flatly.

"Perhaps he didn't like the part where Hawke 'fluttered her eyes' at the Knight-Captain." Fenris suggested.

"She isn't exactly the 'eye-fluttering' type." Aveline agreed.

"I know that - it was a figure of speech!" Varric responded.

Bethany, who had been scrutinizing Sebastian, glanced over her shoulder and addressed Isabella. "How long do you think it'll take to get to Starkhaven?" she inquired.

"Hard to guess Sweetness, never been there before." Isabella replied.

Sebastian straightened, releasing a sigh in the process. "With the speed this ship is sailing, I'd say a week, week-and-a-half at the most.." he announced.

Merrill who had been idly plucking at a lute, looked up from the instrument and asked "Did you visit your family often?"

"For birthdays yes. I'd usually surprise my parents on their anniversary as well." Sebastian answered.

Aveline asked incredulously. "You didn't harbor any ill-will for them after they stuck you in the chantry?"

"I always visited them, but it took a year or two for me to do so without an ulterior motive." Sebastian admitted with a soft chuckle.

"You know Choirboy, you never did give us specifics on your homeland. Since we're headed there, I think it's about time you started spilling all the dirty little details." Varric responded.

"Dirty little details?" Sebastian repeated.

"Well 'we really eat the dead' would be a good starting point."

"That was a heinous rumor you concocted Varric."

"That's never been proven Choirboy!" Varric retorted with false insolence. "Now do indulge us..just how pretentious is it? You seemed to indicate it was worse than Orlais..."

Aveline shook her head. "Maker be kind, I hope not." she replied.

"...As far as fashion goes, yes." Sebastian said hesitantly, earning groans from the group.

Fenris spoke up. "So we're going to stick out the moment we step off port?" he demanded.

"Most likely. Though to be fair, we would've stuck out anyway, seeing as I am the rightful lord...and there are no Dalish or frequent dwarves." Sebastian responded carefully.

Lillian's gaze strayed onto Varric. "The latter may change indefinitely.." she said with a playful smile.

Varric smirked. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves Hawke..."

Neither of them noticed Sebastian's scowl, but Bethany certainly did. "Let's get back on the fashion topic," she requested.

"Yes," Aveline agreed. "If we're to stay there until a real course of action is determined for each of us, we should know what we'll be getting into...literally."

"I'm afraid I can't be certain. Fashion trends revolve quite frequently in Starkhaven." Sebastian said.

"Well that might be fun..eh Kitten?" Isabella mused, meeting Merrill's gaze before returning her attention on Seb. "Just how long does it take to revolve Starkys out of the clothing all together?" A mild blush coated Sebastian's cheeks. "Oo you do remember. Don't hold out on me, spill it - how many drinks until the boots start knocking together?"

"That's right," Lillian hummed earning the focus of her beau. "You used to be like Isabella."

"Not quite, I only bedded women." Sebastian replied.

"So you were only half as fun as me." Isabella noted. "Now are you going to answer me or do I have to knock on Andraste's face again?"

"No!" Sebastian blurted at the exact same instant Lillian squawked "What?"

Varric explained. "She dared herself to do it after reading The Belt Buckle Of Righteous..."

"Don't look at me like that Hawke, nothing more happened. He didn't even 'stand at attention'..." Isabella told her.

"Which led to great insight for my story Hawke," Varric continued. "The Belt Buckle Of Righteous is sworn that no more harm will be done to its bearer, since its bearer has already had to deal with the agonizing trials of becoming a eunuch."

"What's a eunuch?" Merrill asked causing Sebastian to hide his reddened face behind his hands.

"Well you see Daisy.." Varric began.

"It's the saddest thing ever Kitten.." Isabella began.

Still shielding his face, Sebastian cried out faintly. "Maker hush! Both of you...!"

"Oh I-I'm sorry Sebastian." Merrill mumbled, before leaning towards Bethany and softly asking "Is it something bad?"

"It's...unfortunate." Bethany stammered. Merrill stared, curiously tilting her head. "Yes...let's just say yes. It's bad."

"In all seriousness Sweet-Thing, you did check beneath his trousers before saying 'I do' right?" Isabella asked Lillian, resting a hand on her hip. "Because I bedded an Andrastian when I was younger and let me tell you, he could barely call himself a man. Taught me a valuable lesson though - always check below deck first."

"But..what if he doesn't have a ship?" Merrill piped.

"Oh Kitten…" Isabella sighed.

"What? Did I miss something?" Merrill asked innocently.

"You always do." Fenris muttered, continuing to sharpen his blade.

"That's your so-called 'standard' with men is it?" Aveline guessed.

"Pretty much…" Isabella shrugged.

"I don't see how it matters in this case, being a chaste marriage and all.." Varric pointed out.

Sebastian was quick to retort. "That may soon be changing."

Faint surprise imprinted onto Varric's face. "Really? Well good! About damn time." He chuckled. Secretly, he felt an uneasy rumble in the pit of his heart.

"I'll believe it when I see it." Isabella replied.


	3. Chapter 2

His scruffy face scrapped pleasantly against hers, his freckled hands held her close. In this moment, he was just Anders, Justice be damned. Their lips met and synced in perfect harmony. Such a fiery need. She was growing breathless...

Sebastian's voice cut through her dream. "Lily?" Lillian jumped up, her forehead connecting with his causing them both to wince. "Maker..uhf...Bad dream?" Sebastian guessed, squinting as he rubbed the sore spot on his head.

Lillian's fingers laced through the loose strands of her burgundy hair. "You could say that.." she mumbled, avoiding eye contact. "Are we there?"

"Still two days out...was it about Anders?" Sebastian asked.

"...Yes." Lillian admitted softly.

Sebastian crossed his arms. "Perhaps you should join Anders's pity party then." he suggested. Lillian looked up at him sharply. "Today would've been his birthday. Fenris and Aveline are the only ones not drinking to him."

Explained why she had dreamt of him after trying so hard to forget him entirely. Swallowing the lump in her throat, Lillian said. "You needn't harbor hatred for a deadman Sebastian."

A meek smile nipped at Sebastian's mouth. "There is wisdom in that luv...but the wound is still too raw.." Sebastian sank down beside his wife, resting his back on the nearby lumpy sacks of bread. Sebastian stared straight ahead as he continued speaking: "Are you mourning him as well?"

"..I..though perhaps I should say 'we', mourn the man, buried beneath false ambition. There was a person beneath that benevolent being, that smiled and joked, the same person that traveled with my cousin, harassing Nathaniel Howe along the way so it seemed." The hoarse chuckle emitting from her chest, died on her lips. "We mourn the mistake he made merging with Justice...we mourn that we never knew the man he was without Justice's influence..and we mourn because we can no longer peek through the cracks to see that man...He's gone.." Lillian heaved a sigh. "You have to understand Seb, in a way, we lost him twice on that fateful day...to Justice and to death."

Silence sprang up between them, neither beau looking at the other. "...I do understand..." Sebastian finally said. "I'm thankful I asked.." His hand coupled with hers, and though his smile was forced, the serenity in his ocean eyes were not.

Lillian mirrored his smile and kissed the hand that held hers. "Stop holding resentment for the others then. Besides if it's any consolation, I'm sure Isabella just wanted to drink."

Sebastian laughed darkly. "It isn't...but perhaps we should join them..." he mused standing. "Least they think we're..engaging each other.." Sebastian said, pulling Lillian to her feet.

"Maker forbid." Lillian scoffed. Sebastian's eyes narrowed. "Or should I say 'Andraste forbid'? She was your original wife after all.." Sebastian rolled his eyes then cut her with a smirk. "What?" Lillian pressed with the shadow of a laugh.

"Sarcasm becomes you so well, Lily." he responded. "Your eyes brighten, your smile glows, you shine all over really.." Lillian felt her face warming. Sebastian's smirk grew. "Yes. That's what I wanted to see.." he hummed, stroking her cheek. "My blushing bride indeed." he playfully brushed his nose against hers. Lillian considered retaliating, but this was a new side of Sebastian and an enjoyable one at that, so she allowed her husband his moment of triumph.

Stepping onto the upper deck, Lillian saw Aveline and Fenris playing diamondback on the left side of the ship, while 'Anders's pity party' were hunched together near the stern with glasses in their hands and a bottle of Antivan brandy in the middle of their circle. Sebastian nudged her towards Varric and the others, nodding his approval when she glanced at him. Lillian started towards them, too absorbed in her own thoughts to notice Sebastian was following.

"Come to scowl at us some more Choirboy?" Varric greeted. "Or did the Mrs. talk some humanity into you?"

"That's a crude way of putting it, but yes." Sebastian replied, claiming the bottle for himself.

Varric grumbled in disbelief. "You're shitting me."

"Not at all." Sebastian said, handing the bottle to his wife.

"Sister did I ever tell you I find your husband incredibly sexy?" Bethany chortled, clearly tipsy.

Lillian revelled in Sebastian's reddened cheeks. "I guessed as much." she replied.

"He is so sexy...that I wish I had gotten to him first..oooh I shouldn't have told you that..now you know what a wicked sister I am.." Bethany rambled drunkly.

Lillian squeezed into the circle beside Varric and a sleeping Merrill. "Noooo do continue." she encouraged, leaning forward to refill Bethany's glass. "It's endearing to watch this, honest."

Sebastian snagged the bottle back from Lillian. "Don't encourage this behavior Lil." he scolded.

Varric outright smirked. "Still no fun, which means Choirboy's celibacy streak continues," he turned his copper eyes onto Isabella who was seated directly across from him. "Pay up Rivanni."

"Damnit Hawke, when are you going to peel him out of that shiny armor? This is getting ridiculous." Isabella cursed, tossing a sovereign at Varric.

"I couldn't agree more actually." Lillian replied looking pointedly at her husband.

"We will do that in the privacy and luxury of our palace, not here." Sebastian told her.

"I'm curious Lavender - was that always the excuse?" Varric chortled, though it died on his tongue the instant Sebastian leered at him.

"Are we certain he's not a eunuch?" Isabella murmured.

"Yes!" Sebastian said crossly, taking a swig then handing the brandy back to his wife.

Lillian couldn't help but laugh, as Cessah came up and licked her face. "Why on earth are you betting so high?" she asked as she ruffled his ears, then dutifully poured the brandy into Merrill's abandoned glass and raised it to her lips.

Fenris spoke up from the distance. "We always bet high when it comes to you." Lillian glanced back witnessing that he was already looking at her. "You are the Champion Of Kirkwall are you not?" he smirked, raising his playing cards higher to his face.

"Fenris when are you going to admit you need eyewear?" Aveline asked exhaustedly.

"The day your freckles disappear." he said coldly.

"Someone's cheeky today." Aveline noted.

Varric called. "That usually means he's about to clobber you, watch out."

Fenris called back. "Mind yourself dwarf."

Removing the band that held her glossy hair in a bun which had become lopsided during her sleep, Lillian asked: "Exactly how many times have you made bets about me?"

"And dare we ask about what the topics of these bets were?" Sebastian added.

Varric glanced at them sideways. "Are we including those outside our merry band, like Lady Elegant?" he asked.

Lillian's mouth dropped a bit. "Elegant bets on me? I don't believe it!"

"She bets far more than Tomwise." Varric gushed.

"Noooo..."

"How little you know them Hawke, how little you know 'em.."

Sebastian perched down behind Lillian. "You're avoiding our questions." he noted.

"Think of bets as harmless publicly Choirboy." Varric replied coyly. "You'll need plenty of good press where we're going..I may even have to think about charging for it."

"Varric." Lillian hummed.

"I'm joking Hawke. Although if he remains firm on this 'chaste marriage' thing..."

"..Oh then by all means, charge him!"

Sebastian tried to hide his scorn while Varric and Lillian shared a moment of snickering. "Rein it in luv." he requested.

Aveline asked Varric. "Do you ever intend to tell her?"

Varric turned his head in her direction but didn't look back. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"No?" Aveline challenged. "You didn't control a gambling ring that thrived solely on Hawke's actions?"

"Varric?!" Lillian cried.

"I can neither confirm nor deny that..." Varric replied. In accordance with her husband, Lillian continued to stare at him. With a sigh Varric added: "I just started it, how it evolved is to be blamed solely on the betting residents of Kirkwall..." Cessah barked, earning Varric's attention. "I don't owe you anything, Meredith destroyed herself in the long run.." Cessah began to growl. Rolling his eyes, Varric hesitantly popped a coin into the air which Cessah quickly caught on the tip of his nose.

Lillian blinked. "...I don't know who I should be more ashamed of.." she mused.

Varric smirked. "Your husband Hawke, always your husband." Sebastian purposely knocked his knee into Varric's back as he stood up. "Unf…That was uncalled for." Varric scowled.

"I didn't think so." Sebastian argued, crossing his arms.

Lillian sighed. "Apologize Varric."

"I'm sorry that you can take the boy out of the chantry, but not the chantry out of the boy...satisfied? Oooh wait, touchy word.." Varric responded with a mocking grin, as he gazed up at Sebastian. Sebastian glowered, which grew when he noticed Lillian was biting back a giggle. "Really Choirboy, how can you not be a little bit ashamed of yourself for allowing the legendary Hawke to remain virginal for this long hm?" Varric retorted.

"This conversation is over." Sebastian grumbled, retreating to the safety of Fenris and Aveline.

"This conversation is never over Prudence!" Isabella called, startling Merrill awake. Isabella snickered softly, rubbing Merrill's back as she sat up unsteadily. "Not until he makes with the family jewels, right Hawke?"

Merrill confusedly asked. "There are jewels on this ship?"

Varric answered: "None that we'd ever be likely to see Daisy." Bethany laughed drunkly.

Lillian looped and unlooped her hairband around her fingers. "Did I miss the toast to Anders?" she asked quietly.

Bethany answered sadly. "Yes."

Varric rested a hand on Lillian's arm. "Bah we can make another one. I'm sure Blondie would love an encore, especially spoken from the woman he loved." he announced, reaching over Lillian to snag the bottle. Noting her ocean eyes were locked on his face, Varric smirked as he refilled his own glass. "We all could see it Hawke," he poured the brandy into Bethany's glass, earning a mute 'thank you'. "Hell between you and me, I think that's why there was always added tension between Blondie and Broody." he continued skidding the bottle across the floorboards to an expectant Isabella who wasted no time refilling hers and Merrill's glasses.

"You're not suggesting...?" Lillian mumbled, gripping the bottle with anxious hands as a drowsy Merrill passed it to her.

"I'm a storyteller Lavender, it's my duty to root out hidden truths." Varric replied. "Why do you think he really agreed to help the mages? Because you taught him to read? Please."

Merrill seemed to be waking up more. "Oh..you're saying Fenris loves H-?"

"No." Lillian quickly replied at the same time Varric said "Maybe."

Merrill mused. "That would explain why he's cranky all the time.."

"..No." Lillian argued. "Don't believe it Merrill. I certainly don't." she said firmly glaring curtly at Varric. "Fenris and Sebastian have always gotten along fine.." she pointed out.

"True. He approves of Choirboy...but you didn't hear what Broody said to Blondie when it seemed like you two were on the road to l-o-v-e." Varric responded shrewdly. Lillian's eyes narrowed, a nagging feeling clawing at the base of her skull.

Bethany hiccuped as she asked. "This I..hic-up...got to hear.."

Varric leaned forward and lowered his voice. "The elf said, and I quote "Break her heart and I'll kill you.."..." Varric said, his voice growing duskier and rougher as he mimicked Fenris.

Merrill dramatically gasped while Isabella muttered "Damn that's sexy.."

Lillian's face remained indifferent. "That doesn't mean anything.." she insisted, though she couldn't help recalling that that was precisely what Anders had claimed once upon a time.

"Doesn't it?" Varric challenged.

"You killed Gascard for me...does that mean you have feelings for me Varric?" Lillian retorted. Varric's smirky-smile remained unchanging, at least until Bethany opened her mouth.

"Well now that you mention it…I mean it's possible…because when we went after Corenthas…in the deep roads…we found your ancestor Varric.." Bethany began.

"Yes we did, though I hardly see how that's related Sunshine." Varric responded, though he had suspicion where this line of dialogue may be headed.

"No more brandy for her." Isabella agreed, with a sly glance at the dwarf beside her.

"No-no, listen…" Bethany insisted, taking Lillian's hand. She dabbed her finger over the wedding ring. "These markings on the side…Tethras…these are the symbol for that house."

"Maker you're deliriously drunk. The House of Tethras is kaput remember? Has been for some while..even if their smiths had made this ring, how would Sebastian have gotten a hold of it?" Lillian challenged, failing to notice a look exchanged between Isabella and Varric.

"Siiiiisterrrr…" Bethany whined. "I'm telling the truth."

"I believe you. I believe her Hawke." Merrill said.

Lillian shot her an incredulous look. "It's borderline impossible."

Sebastian rejoined the group. "What is?" he questioned.

Drawing in a breath, Lillian swiftly lied. "Getting Isabella and Varric to quit writing 'friend-fiction'…"

Varric's smirk was instant. "True. Although Rivanni, we should really think about cutting it back while we're in Starkhaven. Don't want to give the locals nightmares…not right away at least."

"I'm sure you'll show the utmost restraint." Sebastian replied.

"Don't we always?" Isabella snickered.

Clearing his throat, Sebastian continued. "Speaking of locals – Fenris has officially agreed to remain in Starkhaven as our bodyguard. Unofficially, he will act as a guardian to Bethany, in case the holy war reaches our land."

"I don't want that, I can handle myself." Bethany responded firmly.

"He hasn't exactly been nice to her..." Lillian responded.

"Be reasonable Lavender, he hasn't exactly been cruel to Sunshine either. He's been far kinder to you than he'll ever be towards Daisy..or Blondie for that matter. Speaking of…Hawke…your toast?"

"Right." Lillian mumbled, eyeing the bottle beneath her grasp.

"You may want to walk away for this.." Isabella advised Sebastian.

"I'm fine where I am." Sebastian argued.

"To Anders." Lillian declared. "He was our healer, our jester when Justice allowed it and our friend. He...would've turned 39 today.." Lillian blinked away the tears clogging her vision. "May his vendetta for all mages be a success least his sin and sacrifice be in vain...And may he find peace in the embrace of the Void." The others gently knocked their glasses against the bottle and Lillian chugged down the last of the Antivan brandy.


	4. Chapter 3

A/N Disclaimer - Starkhaven, as described below (wardrobe choices and all), are my own imagining of a pre-established land.

* * *

As the ship approached Starkhaven's docking bay it was clear to see how painstakingly clean the port was. It seemed to sparkle, as did the silver gates hiding the winding paths that led into the city.

"Now that we're here, I must warn you," Sebastian began. "Are any of you allergic to glitterdust?"

Amid everyone shaking their head, Varric responded with: "Let me guess, it's in the drinking water."

"Ooo that's fancy..." Isabella hummed.

"That sounds hard to swallow.." Merrill worried.

"It does." agreed Fenris and Aveline simultaneously.

"It's not in the drinking water...it's on the ground." Sebastian continued. "All paths that aren't connected to the army's threshold, are regularly sprinkled with glitterdust."

Bethany replied. "Why? I'll admit glitterdust is pretty but it's also..."

"Flammable." Sebastian finished. "Yes, that is the point - in the case of an invasion the paths are lit aflame, destroying access to the port and making it nigh impossible to maneuver through the city."

"What of people on the street?" Aveline asked.

"They are given warning in the form of two words - The Phoenix." Sebastian answered.

Varric chuckled slightly. "How poetic.." he mused, before adding "Phoenixes explode into flame before being reborn Elf."

"I knew that." Fenris muttered.

"Oh? So Hawke did get around to reading Alagasta and The Baby Phoenix then?" Varric mused. "How'd you like it?"

"I didn't.." Fenris said shortly.

Lillian smiled softly. "Mostly because he had a hard time saying her name..."

"It was a foolish name for a foolish woman!" Fenris snapped.

"Easy Broody, no one's judging you.." Varric fussed.

"So tell me husband, is there not a risk of fire spreading onto the homes?" Lillian asked, redirecting the conversation.

"All the homes have fences made of special gems immune to fire. The palace itself is made entirely of these gems, in combination of others that are resistant to lightning and frost." Sebastian explained.

"Here I thought Antiva was sparkly..." Isabella mused, trying up the last of the sails as 'The Reaver' eased into the docking bay.

Sebastian unthinkingly added: "Only at night."

Varric's eyebrows flew to his hairline. "You've been to Antiva Choirboy? You?!" he incredulously asked.

Lillian stifled a giggle as she noted: "You almost sound jealous Varric."

"Maker help me..I might be!" Varric replied as Isabella lowered the plank.

"Everyone stay close, it's easy to get lost here." Sebastian advised, causing Merrill's face to blanch.

"You had better hold Hawke's hand then Daisy." Varric suggested.

Sebastian glanced at her as Lillian dutifully grasped Merrill's palm. "While you're at it Lily, keep her away from the starks." he requested.

"What are starks?" Merrill asked timidly.

Varric answered. "Burgundy birds with steely blue beaks and leathery wings able to hold backpacks in. It's commonplace for Starkhavers to own one as pets." Both Lillian and Sebastian turned to gaze at Varric in wonder. "What? I overheard you and Sunshine talking last night Hawke. It was nice to receive some actual intel...Choirboy." Varric said pointedly.

Sebastian rolled his eyes. "Let's go." he tiredly ordered, stepping onto the dock.

As they approached the gate, a small group of guards appeared. They wore copper-toned scalemail with leather reinforcements, such as the chest which featured a stark holding a shield with one of its long legs, and wielding a sword in its curved beak. A guard with beady eyes greeted them: "Halt. What is your business in...?"

Another guard with graying hair interrupted him. "Lord Sebastian?! Maker, forgive us." he quickly knelt, and the others followed his motion. "You usually send word.." he stammered.

"This is true, which is why I take no offense good guardsman." Sebastian replied. "Arise and let it be known that those who follow me are honored guests and should be treated as such." Observing Lillian and the others as they stood, each guard nodded. Sebastian nodded as well and the guards stepped aside, the graying one stepping towards the gate and pulling it open. "Isabella, please do not make me regret counting you amongst the 'honorable'." he said softly.

"No promises Prudence." Isabella retorted, swaggering out of the docks first.

Sebastian exhaled. "I suspected as much...Allow me a favor Varric?" he continued.

"Look at you, acting all noble-like already." Varric noted with a chuckle. "What is it?"

"Please provide Isabella with an alternate nickname for me."

"Sure Celibacitian."

"Clever." Sebastian said dryly, failing to notice a giggle bubbling against his wife's lips.

"What's wrong Hawke?" Merrill asked cluelessly.

Sebastian gazed at his wife. "Lily." he breathed, distraught. Varric's smirk grew wider.

"Yes Celiby? I MEAN SEBBY?" Lillian blurted, bursting into a gigglefit amidst Varric and Isabella's laughter.

"Hawke.." Aveline tutted shaking her head. "There are days I wonder if you married the right archer.."

Walking backwards, Varric replied. "That's not even up for debate Clementine. But as I told you all long ago, I'm already spoken for.."

Perking an eyebrow Sebastian's gaze darted from Varric to Lillian as he asked. "Are you talking about your crossbow again?"

"Of course I am Celiby." Varric jeered.

Sebastian's jaw was tightly clenched. "I'm glad that's sticking..." he said shooting Lillian a devious glare. "Merrill would you mind holding Isabella's hand for a moment?" he said. Merrill released Lillian's palm and shuffled ahead, while Sebastian swooped in behind Lillian. Pressing his mouth against her ear, Sebastian whispered. "Just wait until we have proper lodging." His lips suckled on her earlobe and shivers jumped down her spine.

"And if not," Isabella spoke up. "Find me Sweet Thing, I'll take care of you."

Aghast as he was, Sebastian snapped "I warned you, keep using your rogue ears to meddle like this, and someone's liable to cut them off.."

Varric interrupted with a chuckle. "If only that were true, then I could've been sparred hearing you say 'Maker this', 'Andstrate that' for how many years now? 8 and a half?" he retorted.

"Varric." Bethany scolded.

"I'm sorry Sunshine. I didn't mean to offend your crush." Varric said causing Bethany's face to flush. "I'm actually surprised in you Rivanni." he continued returning his focus on Isbaella. "Here I thought you respected Hawke too much to make such an offer, as tantalizing as it is."

"I do respect her, and her womanly needs..which is more than I can say for Lord Celibacitian back there..." Isabella countered.

Sebastian cleared his throat. "I think that's quite enough." His blue eyes swiveled onto Fenris. "Are you alright? You're moving awfully slowly..it's the glitterdust isn't it?"

"It's a nightmare." Fenris confirmed, raking at his bare feet.

Merrill spoke up. "It feels smoother than sand at least.." she noted, staring at her delicate toes.

"It feels like trekking through The Wounded Coast in winter." Fenris replied, eyeing Lillian with a curt smirk.

A laugh rumbled through Lillian's ribs. "You could've refused to tag along.." she said simply.

"How could I? Our killcounts were tied at the time.."

"Ah yes...I remember when we came to that conclusion - I was thinking 'this is all Aveline's fault.'..."

"Meaning what?" Aveline asked.

Lillian smiled slightly. "Meaning you were always more hesitant than I to strike down whichever foe that crossed our paths." she began.

"Which means I got to kill overtime whenever you were present." Fenris finished.

Aveline scoffed dismissively. "You're both absurd."

"So Choirboy! Where's the nearest tavern?" Varric asked.

Isabella, who was two feet ahead of Sebastian, called back. "Just follow me Vexy, I'll find it...I always do.."

"Our first stop is the tailor." he raised his voice amid the groans issuing from everyone but Bethany and Lillian. "We cannot parade around such as we are." Sebastian continued. "Honored guests must look the part...and we luv," he squeezed Lillian's side, causing their armors to clink against each other. "Do not want to send off the wrong impression."

Bethany asked. "How will we pay?"

Isabella spun around, causing Merrill who was still holding her hand to stumble. "We are NOT selling my new ship." she announced.

Sebastian grinned. "You needn't worry, my word will be as good as coin for now." he answered.

"And if it's not?" Merrill worried.

"It will be Merrill. Trust me." Sebastian finished.

* * *

Entering into a periwinkle structure called Tavia's Tassels & Garb, the first thing Lillian got an eye-full of was the breast of an undeniably gorgeous woman with wavy red hair and dazzling gray eyes. Her freckled face brightened as she cried out. "Sebastian!" before scuttling across the wooden floor in shoes the size of bricks adorned in buckles. She wrapped Sebastian in a snug hug, where he awkwardly placed his hands on the tassels encircling her waist.

Fenris grunted. "There's more familiarity between them than merely his 'word'."

Trying to keep a grasp on the jealousy clawing at her, Lillian breathed. "So it would seem.."

Merrill suggested awkwardly. "Maybe we should go somewhere else?"

"It took us forty minutes to find this place, I'd prefer we didn't." Aveline responded watching as the tailor finally released Sebastian from her grasp. Stepping closer to Lillian she whispered. "You must've expected this Hawke. This was his home when he was a flirtatious youth."

Exhaling Lillian's response was: "...I should've nailed Zevran."

Isabella agreed. "Yes you should've."

Bethany asked oblivious. "Who's Zevran?"

"It has been ages Tavia, but my companions and myself are quite weary." Sebastian was saying, turning his attention to the others.

Glancing at them too, Tavia's gray eyes widened slightly. "Maker - elves! And a swarthy little dwarf too. Kirkwall be praised - what colorful company you keep Seb.." she cooed.

"Speaking of Kirkwall, allow me to introduce my wife, Lillian, the Champion of Kirkwall." Sebastian responded.

"Wife?" Tavia repeated eying Sebastian again. "I thought you were sworn to celibacy."

Sebastian's face was wooden. "It has been a chaste marriage Tavia."

Varric piped up. "Much to our amusement."

"Oh...I see..." Tavia mused, and there was something about the way she looked at Lillian that left a sour taste in her mouth. "Well. My Lady. I will attend to your elven and dwarven friends first, if you don't mind.."

"By all means." Lillian replied tonelessly.

Fenris crossed his arms and remained stationary. "If I am to be your bodyguard, I see no reason to dress as a guest."

Sebastian began to argue. "I must insist, as I said we don't want to send the wrong..."

Lillian interrupted. "I agree Fenris, let your presence be known.."

Sebastian turned his gaze on his wife. "Lily...?"

Lillian exchanged glances with Varric who promptly shrugged out of his jacket. "Here Elf. Fair warning though? - If those markings of yours sear the leather, I'll give you something new to brood about." he said, standing on tiptoe to drape his jacket across Fenris's shoulders. "And keep your elven curiosity to yourself...I'm talking to you Rivanni! If you put so much as a pinky in any of my pockets, I'll know.." Gripping Merrill's wrist, Varric ventured forward and addressed Tavia. "Now m'lady, we are ready for our disguises erm... garbs."

As Varric and Merrill followed Tavia into an joining room, Fenris hesitantly slipped into Varric's jacket, the markings on his arms bulging against the leather as he pulled the jacket taunt against his slender form. "Hm. Fits me quite well actually..." he noted.

Lillian smiled her approval. "It does at that." she said earning a stern frown from Sebastian.

"It does..." Isabella gushed, circling Fenris. "My. We may have to get you a coat like this for keeps.."

Aveline rolled her eyes. "I think I'm going to be sick."

Sebastian asked. "Is something the matter Lil?"

"No, nothing." Lillian answered emotionlessly, pretending to be fascinated by a green dress with white spirals and silver tassels hanging from the collar.

Sebastian looked to Bethany for a response, and with a sigh Bethany said. "She's upset about Tavia. Clearly you and her have a history.."

"...We...do...yes. Butthat was many years ago, I was but a child..." Sebastian responded, slowly moving closer to Lillian. "Lily. I am sworn to you. I love you. We have been through much together. The most Tavia and I have ever endured was a bottle of wine.." Lillian glanced back at him. "I am yours Lillian. Do not be so quick to forget that, regardless of who or what may cross our path..." he finished.

Bethany was spellbound. "..Oh Maker.." she breathed.

Isabella whined. "Now I'm going to be sick!"

* * *

Varric was dressed in a teal garb with black lacing stitched straight down the sleeves and large pockets with golden buttons.

Merrill wore a knee-length dress that was half green, half crimson, with a red-orange laced design encircling her waist.

Isabella ended up in a gown as short as her blouse but the same color as her bandanna.

Aveline's golden dress reached to her ankles, and had glitterdust splashed across her sleeves, with black lace looped around her neckline.

Bethany's dress was purely lavender with powder-blue laced sleeves, an ivory collar and glitterdust sewn into the hem.

Lillian and Sebastian wore a matching attire of blood-red garbs with ivory collars and laced sleeves.

* * *

After bidding farewell to Tavia, Sebastian shooed the group into an inn called Phoenix Flames, a large square building that had a giant phoenix painted on its front. Its multi-colored wings spread over the stained glass windows, and the entrance to the inn was nearly concealed by the phoenix's magnificent tail. The sides of the inn were made of fire crystals, as was the roof, which gave any passerby the impression that the inn was aflame. The inside of the inn was a beautiful inferno of red, gold, burgundy, and orange. The innkeeper, a pompous man with long black ringlets of hair, greeted Sebastian fondly. "Lord Vael! You have returned to us at last...and with quite an entourage I see. Does this mean you will force your cousin to yield the throne?" he asked, an ambitious grin stretching across his rugged features.

"I care not for gossip Kelyn. You know this.." Sebastian responded, with a tired smile.

"Of course. I..." Kelyn's brow furrowed as he gazed down at Cessah. "Is that a Maburi?" he asked pointing.

"Indeed. He belongs to my wife." Sebastian answered, wrapping an arm around Lillian's wife. Green eyes popping, Kelyn bowed. "Serah allow me to introduce Lillian Vael, commonly known as Lillian Hawke."

"The Champion of Kirkwall?" Kelyn wheezed. "My word! Allow me to bid you welcome to Starkhaven and my humble abode Phoenix Flames. Tis a pleasure to serve you already."

Isabella stepped forward. "Start by serving us ale. His Lordship promised there was a pub in the cellar?"

"There is indeed madam, I will be more than happy to accompany you.." Kelyn replied.

"I bet.." Isabella mused, eying him over as she swaggered forward.

"It has been a long day and a longer journey still..." Sebastian began, causing Kelyn to pause. "But nor do I wish to overtake your inn..Therefore we will accept 4 deluxe rooms and partner up amongst ourselves."

"That is hardly necessary My Lord.." Kelyn said.

"I believe it is." Sebastian argued, his blue eyes trained on Isabella.

"As you wish. And the Maburi?" Kelyn pressed. "I am unsure if sticking him in the same area as the starks would be wise.."

Sebastian looked at Lillian who in turned eyed Cessah. "...He will remain in the same room as Aveline, to keep tabs on Isabella.." she decided earning a contented grin from her beau.

"Oh come on.." Isabella complained.

"Less worry for me." Aveline replied. "Let's hit the pub, whore. C'mon Cessah.." The maburi barked, wagging his tail as he followed Aveline and Isabella.

Varric gazed up at Lillian. "Would you prefer me with Sunshine or Daisy?" he asked compliantly. "Wait what am I saying? Daisy wouldn't last an hour alone with Broody..." Varric chuckled, hooking his arm through Merrill's. "Let's go watch Rivanni try to drink Aveline under the table eh?.."

Merrill stammered. "But I like this dress..and I'm usually the one who ends up under the table."

"Don't fret Daisy, if it gets muddled I'll clean it myself." Varric promised.

Fenris faced Bethany. "Well?" he pressed.

Bethany blinked. "Well what?"

"Would you rather drink or sleep?"

"...Um...sleep..?"

"As you wish." Fenris said, escorting her down the hall.

"Fenris?" Lillian called causing the elf to pause. "I want you to safeguard yes, but not to the point where you remind her of..." Lillian paused, her eyes swinging onto Kelyn. "...Cullen..." she finished lamely. Mulling on her words, Fenris put more space between Bethany and himself as they continued towards their room.

There was a rumble of humor to Sebastian's words as he asked Lillian: "And you luv? What's your preference?"

"Well..." Lillian hummed stepping closer to him and wrapping her arms around his neck. "You did promise something naughty in proper lodging.." she whispered.

Sebastian's smile ebbed into a smirk. "I had wondered if you'd remember..."

* * *

Releasing her fingers from the silk bedspread, Lillian's eyes combed the cream colored ceiling as she wrung her tongue against her dry mouth. Sebastian's voice rang through her cotton-filled mind. "Lily?" Lillian turned her head downward where her husband perched on the edge of the bed. His brow was furrowed, her moisture still gleaming on his chin. "I asked if you like it here?" he repeated.

Lillian straightened her dress as she sat up. "It's a very charming inn.." she replied with a woozy smile.

"..That's not what I meant.."

"Oh...you want to know if Bethany and I will be happy here."

Sebastian traced the lines in his palm. "It's been a constant worry since we've boarded..." he admitted.

"Starkhaven is glorious Sebastian. Kirkwall pales horribly in comparison without question. And I get the sense Bethany always longed to be elsewhere. It will not take her long to adapt, she's unfussy." Lillian replied.

Sebastian's eyes bore into hers. "And you wife? " he pressed.

"I'm still trying to wrap my mind about ruling it..." Lillian said.

"I remember that feeling well. But now there is no doubt in my mind that I must rule...no thanks to Anders." Sebastian glowered, his hands balling into fists. Shifting herself closer to him, Lillian rested her hand on his and nestled her head against his shoulder. Sebastian inhaled raggedly and released it. "When my parents were murdered and the Circle of Magi was burnt down, I did everything I could to ensure Starkhaven would be safer for all."

"The glitterdust paths?" Lillian guessed, unaware she had interrupted him.

Sebastian nodded. "That, the numerous elemental-provention crystals infused into every structure, reconstructing the safeguarding of the palace... I could not bare the thought of being blindsided again by death and tragedy...then right beneath our noses," Sebastian paused, fury huffing out of his mouth. "Anders breeds an explosive so powerful that it obviated what had been my home for 18 years" Sebastian's voice cracked, sorrow seeped into his tone "and murdering El-El..." As Lillian slowly raised her head, she saw tears sprouting down Sebastian's cheeks. "El-thina.." he woefully finished. Lillian's fingers delicately wiped the tears from Sebastian's face, then cupped her hands around his neck and pulled him closer. Sebastian was still a moment, then crumbled in grief, silent prayers tumbling from his lips between sobs. Cradling her husband, Lillian finally allowed herself to weep for Anders, the murderous fool. She hated how much she missed him.

* * *

The following day, the smell of fresh pancakes aroused Lillian from her slumber. Blinking a few times, she noticed Sebastian was still wrapped in her arms, his chin resting on her bosom. Her eyes darted to the corner of the room where Varric and Isabella sat at the table with a breakfast platter between them. "Morning Vaels." Varric greeted with a smirk, and it was only then that Lillian was aware of Sebastian stirring beside her.

Sebastian stammered: "How did you...why did you...?"

Isabella responded with a mischievous grin. "You've slept in quite late, something happen last night?"

Sebastian groaned, rubbing the arches of his eyes. "Oh Maker..do you two ever cease?"

"If you're going to be annoyed at anyone Choirboy, be annoyed at yourself." Varric replied, astutely watching Lillian as her stretching form maneuvered off the bed. "Something did happen, didn't it?" he assessed, freezing Lillian in her tracks.

Sebastian countered. "What business is it of yours?"

Varric continued to study her. "You're blushing.." he announced. Lillian broke eye-contact. "_Really_? **Really**. Choirboy! An inn? Where you no doubt pleasured past 'loves'? I'm so disappointed in you."

Standing, Sebastian glowered as Varric flipped a coin to Isabella. "Why this fascination with what conspires between my wife and I?" he demanded.

Reclining in her chair, Isabella retorted. "It's amusing Celiby."

"Somehow I doubt it's as simple as that..." Sebastian responded, his gaze locked on Varric as Lillian perched beside him.

"Enough husband." Lillian said. "I'm famished, and I'm sure you are as well. It's been far too long since we've had a proper meal. Come."

Exhaling, Sebastian seated himself between Lillian and Isabella. "What of the others?" he asked.

"Broody and Sunshine are exploring, and I believe Aveline took Daisy to the library." Varric answered.

"And Cessah?" Lillian added.

"Outside your door." Isabella answered. "He really didn't want us to come in...until he saw the food cart."

"Shameless hound." Varric chuckled.

Munching on toast, Lillian rose from her chair, crossed the room to the door and swung it open. Cessah immediately barked in greeting. Lillian gave him a look that made his ears droop and a whimper to issue from his nuzzle. "Go find Bethany you glutton." she ordered with a stern smile. Cessah barked in acknowledgement and took off.

"What do you intend to do while we meet with my cousin?" Sebastian asked as Lillian settled into her chair again.

"I'm sure we'll think of something to amuse ourselves with." Varric responded coyly.

"I'd prefer specifics Varric." Sebastian said.

Isabella's gaze strayed onto Lillian. "You first." she breathed. Sebastian's hands balled into fists, while Lillian choked on her toast.

"She's kidding Choirboy! Hawke..." Varric rapped his palm on her back. "Breathe...hmp...that's an interesting hue of pink.." he noted with a smirk.

"No I'm not...who performed on who?" Isabella pried. "Couldn't have been anything more, you're still wound tighter than a hemlock's face guard.." she mused, her gaze combing over Sebastian.

Clasping his hands together, Sebastian calmly replied. "Has anyone ever called you a devious shrew?"

"Look Choirboy," Isabella began.

"Rivanni don't steal my nicknames." Varric intercepted.

"We're going to have this conversation, whether it's in front of you or behind your back.." Isabella finished.

"No we're not." Lillian laughed.

"Yes. We are." Isabella insisted. Lillian shook her head. "I thought you wanted an end to friend-fiction?" Isabella challenged.

Sebastian grumbled into his broth, shaking his head. Lillian inhaled deeply. "Fine. But not in front of Varric." she submitted.

"What?! Hawke!" Varric protested the same time Isabella said. "But I'm allowed to tell him the recap right?"

Lillian opened her mouth but Sebastian spoke. "Why is that?" he asked curiously, his gaze scurrying into hers. "Why not in front of Varric? The two of you share the closest of bonds after all.."

"Yeah since when do you trust Rivanni more than me?" Varric questioned.

"It isn't a matter of trust.." Lillian responded.

"Than what is it Lavender?" Varric pressed. Lillian leaned away from him.

"Yes Lily, what is it?" Sebastian agreed. Lillian shifted away from her beau too with her shoulders drooping.

"Drop it you swags, I finally get to share some worthwhile girl-talk with her, and I'm not going to let you two spoil it for me." Isabella spoke up.

The corner of Lillian's mouth twitched into an appreciative smile, but when she looked at the men sitting beside her, they shared the same furrowed brows and hurt eyes. "...I don't know how to explain it alright? It would just feel...wrong..." she murmured.

"Wrong?" repeated Sebastian and Varric in varying tones.

From the doorway, Cessah made a whimpering noise, as Bethany hesitantly asked. "Are..we interrupting something?"

"No!" Lillian blurted, gladly whipping around. With her back turned, she didn't see the tense look exchanged between the two as Sebastian dabbed at his lips with a handkerchief and Varric scratched his cheek. "We're going to meet Sebastian's cousin today..." she announced. Glancing at her husband, she added. "What's his name again?"

"Corbinian." Sebastian said gazing at Bethany briefly before his eyes soared to Lillian's. "And this conversation isn't over.." he murmured.

Isabella piped. "You can say that again!"


	5. Chapter 4

A/N Disclaimer - Corbinian is mentioned only by name in DA2. Though I do not take credit for the character himself, I did create his looks and demeanor herein.

* * *

A stark-driven carriage waited outside Phoenix Flames. Lillian was unsure if this had been Kelyn's idea or if Sebastian had requested it. One thing she was sure of however, was that Bethany, Fenris and even Cessah who laid on the floor, sensed the tension between Lillian and Sebastian. Fenris kept his gaze locked outside, but Bethany's eyes remained on her fingers which anxiously twisted and untwisted themselves under her watchful gaze. Lillian exhaled, as she crossed her arms. "You know this is silly don't you?" she asked, flicking her attention onto her husband. "We should be worrying about Corbinian not my decision to keep something from Varric. Maker's breath, I thought you'd approve.."

Indifference lined Sebastian's face as he looked at her. "I know what to expect from my cousin, but you...and Varric...that is another matter entirely.." he replied.

"What 'matter'?" Lillian pressed.

Fenris spoke up. "Let me guess, you found out she and the dwarf occasionally shared a bed at The Hanged Man.." Sebastian and Lillian's focus both snapped to him. "Trust me when I say she was either too tired or drunk to converse in sex...and Varric rarely joined her right away."

"Fenris.." Bethany muttered, judging the expressions on their faces. "I don't think that helped."

"You mean you didn't know?" Fenris asked obliviously as Sebastian slowly turned his gaze onto a grimacing Lillian. "...Oh."

"You slept in his bed?" Sebastian whispered.

"Yes but it's a large bed, it's not as if we..." Lillian trailed off as Sebastian's head swung in disapproval. "The Hanged Man is...was far from my manor! Yes, occasionally I'd spend the night with Varric but nothing ever happened." Sebastian let out a whistling sigh.

Bethany piped softly. "I've slept in his bed too," It was a lie as far as Lillian knew, and judging from the look on Sebastian's face, he didn't believe her but even-so Lillian secretly thanked her sister. "Varric's a gentleman." Bethany reminded.

"A gentleman would've escorted her home, or paid for a room - not offered her his bed!" Sebastian growled.

Fenris spoke up. "Buying a room would've drawn attention, and there was all matter of patrons attending The Hanged Man. Varric was protecting her."

"And has this happened since we swore fertility to each other?" Sebastian pressed.

Fenris's eyes darted to Lillian and back again. "It happened when it happened." He responded.

"We're here m'lord!" the driver called, as the carriage pulled to a stop.

Sebastian exited silently, though he held out a hand for Lillian to take. Lillian grasped it and stepped out, with Cessah close behind. The Starkhaven palace loomed overhead, crystals of varying colors sparkling in the sun. Glitterdust lined every other step, earning an instant growl from Fenris. The doors of the palace were pulled open by two guards who dutifully kept their head bows until everyone had passed through. The inside of the palace was as wide as the Viscount's Keep, but its hallways and stairs seemed to drag on forever. Mostly painted teal and black with splashes of blues and whites in the form of vases and tables.

"Maker." whispered Bethany. "This is going to be our home?"

Gazing at her husband sideways, Lillian replied. "I believe so."

"Yes." Sebastian confirmed though he kept his gaze straightforward, his hand still tightly clenched around Lillian's.

"It's...impressive." Fenris admitted.

A familiar roar of laughter echoed through the space, causing everyone to pause. Cessah bounced around with his ears perked up, his tail wagging. Suddenly Zevran appeared to their right, with a friendly smirk on his face. "I am honored to be remembered my fine canine friend." he greeted with a minor bow. "Who would've thought we'd meet again so soon Champion? Have you reconsidered my offer? You seemed quite tempted before...at least until the manly little man, plucked you out of your indecisive stance." Lillian stared at the marbled floor, her blazing cheeks under careful scrutiny of Sebastian, who had a scowl grinding along his jawbone.

"Manly little man?" giggled Bethany. "Varric's a dwarf."

"No! Surely you jest my newfound beauty. He had no beard!" Zevran responded. "Though I suppose it's rather racist of me to assume all dwarves must have beards isn't it? This Varric did not reek like the drunken dwarf I accompanied with Jaslynn...he was also far better dressed.."

"I'd have thought you'd be dead by now." Fenris greeted.

"Hmhm I get that alot." Zevran said with a soft chuckle, as his gaze returned to Lillian. "So Champion to what do I owe this pleas-ah Sebastian! Good day to you Lordship, it has been some time yes?"

Clearing his throat, Sebastian ignored him, as he pushed ahead. "You're dismissed Zevran." he said stoically.

"You're Zevran?" Bethany squeaked.

"Ah so you've heard of me, my alluring gem of innocence," Zevran cooed, following in her stead though Fenris held an arm out. Zevran barely blinked. "Nothing but praises I hope?" he finished, his gaze still on Bethany. "What is your name my Lady?" he whispered.

"None of your business." Fenris replied.

"Charming though a bit long don't you think?" Zevran retorted.

"I don't get 'My Lady' often.." Bethany murmured. "It's a title more reserved for my sister I think.."

"Is that so? As gorgeous as your sister is, you are not without your own beauty Little Hawke." Zevran said.

Bethany made a face. "Bethany, my name is Bethany." she told him.

"That was a mistake." Fenris advised.

"My dear Lady Bethany then." Zevran grinned.

"Zevran?" Lillian replied. "Please go away."

"As you wish my lustrous Champion." Zevran bowed, falling behind at last.

"Sure, he'll listen to you.." Sebastian grumbled. "Perhaps you should stop wearing eye powder."

"Excuse me?" Lillian gasped.

"Your number of admirers are steadily growing. Things will only worsen when our ruling becomes public."

"So you want me to stop wearing make-up?"

"I'd prefer it yes." Sebastian answered.

"You really are the jealous type aren't you?" Bethany mused.

"Indeed he is," came the whimsical drawl of a squat stocky male with quaff brown hair, sparkling eyes and facial hair surrounding his mouth. "It was Sebastian's jealous nature that landed him in the Chantry in the first place wasn't it cousin?" Corbinian grinned.

"Unfortunately. It is good to see you Corbinian." Sebastian replied.

"You sure about that Seb? You arrive with the Champion of Kirkwall and you expect me to believe she's your wife?" Corbinian responded, pacing around the group. Cessah growled as he past by. "And you brought her hound. I've heard stories about him, playing card games with a dwarf."

"She is my wife Corb." Sebastian said tonelessly.

"Really? Because the last time I saw you, you were still a celibate bastard." Corbinian challenged.

Sebastian shook his head. "You have spent far too much time with that Antivan elf cousin, he is rubbing off on you."

"Well what do you expect? When you aren't around, he's my consort!" Corbinian cried, practically stomping his foot.

"Corbinian.." Sebastian began.

"Sebastian." Corbinian interrupted sternly. "Are you here to take the throne from me?"

"...I am the rightful lord Corb." Sebastian responded.

"You are...but why now? What has made you abandon your Chantry flock?" Corbinian asked with narrow eyes.

Sebastian drew in a deep breath. "My mother figure, Elthina, was murdered." he announced.

Corbinian's mask of indifference cracked almost instantly. "Awwweeee how sad!" he whimpered. Lillian arched an eyebrow, pondering if he was sincere. "Who killed her?" he pressed.

"No one important." Fenris spoke up. Lillian closed her eyes, to avoid leering.

"Her death's been avenged and now all I'd like to do, is what I was born to." Sebastian finished.

Corbinian touched the corner of his eyes with a mild sniffle. "What about the Champion? Does she know anything about ruling? If she really is your wife.."

"I am." Lillian piped. "And no, I won't pretend I do. But what I do know, is how to keep a city safe. I defended Kirkwall firsthand against the quarni, and came out victorious with minimal bloodshed. I am the Queen this fair country deserves."

Corbinian's eyes shifted onto Bethany and Fenris. "What are you going to do with me if I say no?" he asked uneasily.

"Nothing." Sebastian said. "You are my family, distant or not. The elf is a bodyguard yes, but Bethany, is Lillian's little sister. It was only proper to bring her along."

A smile surfaced on Corbinian's square face. "That makes us cousins-in-law.."

Bethany blinked. "I suppose..yes.." she stammered.

Corbinian gave a short laugh. "Well..I do get lonely in this big palace all by myself," he mused, gazing around. "It might be nice to have you all here...there is more of you right?"

"Yes but I doubt they will stay. They were merely curious of my homeland." Sebastian responded.

"Then you should've brought 'em along!" Corbinian jeered.

"I...should've." Sebastian hesitantly agreed. "Have you made your decision cousin?"

"...mmmm...Alright, the throne's yours. So long as I can live here too!" Corbinian announced.

"Of course Corb." Sebastian said with a smile of relief.

"Then we have a deal...I um..." His eyes darted from face to face. "Don't know what to do next..." he admitted softly.

"There is to be a ceremony no?" spoke up Zevran. "For the switching of royal pants so to speak?"

"Oh fun!" Corbininan gushed. "I look forward to it...er...you'll make the necessary arrangements won't you Zev?" he added uncertainly.

"I," Sebastian interrupted. "Will see to it."

"Even better, I didn't want it to be too Antivan-y." Corbininan grinned.

"No," Zevran agreed. "I daresay you wouldn't be able to handle it."

"Maybe, maybe not." Corbinian shrugged. "So!" he clasped his hands together. "Would you ladies care to join me for dinner? It will take quite alot of time to plan this festival...won't it Seb?"

"It may." Sebastian said. "It'll certainly take days to unfurl it."

"Perhaps later Corbininan," Lillian replied politely. "I can't say I have the urge to eat right this moment.."

Bethany spoke up. "I'd like to see more of this place."

Zevran snuck up beside her, offering his arm. "Follow me my Lady." he purred. Fenris got in his face but Zevran's eyes were cool as they slid onto his. "You're welcome to come along...and might I say, you are lanky for one of my kind.."

Lillian separated herself from Sebastian. "Isabella said the same thing." she remembered, following her sister closely.

"Naturally; it is a useful thing to notice..for a duelist." Zevran responded.

"Am I a worthy foe for one?" Fenris asked dryly.

"One could say that yes. I'm not sure I would."

"That so?"

* * *

Zevran and Fenris narrated the tour, mostly through sarcasm and snarky retorts about things unrelated to the Palace. There were countless different rooms, and different paths to each room, one for the servants and one for the nobility which the Hawke sisters agreed was ridiculous. (Fenris also made a scornful remark.) Lillian couldn't help being infatuated with the various color schemes of the Palace, how smooth the walls were compared to those in Kirkwall and Ferdelan alike. Bethany seemed more overwhelmed than her sister at the prospect of living in such a giant structure, which naturally amused Lillian. Zevran, Bethany and Fenris all left the Palace promptly, but Lillian stayed behind, roaming the gardens. As her fingertips traced over leaves of plants she had never seen before, most bright and luminous, Lillian thought about the brewing situation with Sebastian and Varric. Lillian tried to convince herself it was simply Sebastian's jealously, but there was a nagging feeling that seemed to skip-rope between her brain and heart. Did she like the jealously? A little. But was that all there was to it? She heard a scuffle behind her, and turning she saw her husband. Her heart jumped to her throat. "Hi." she choked.

"We need to talk.." Sebastian murmured.

"...You need help picking a date for the festival?" Lillian stalled.

"Lily." Sebastian pressed.

Lillian sighed, itching a spot on her arm. "There was nothing ever between Varric and I alright? There still isn't. Varric and I are close yes, but we're not..."

"Enamored?" Sebastian interrupted.

Lillian's jaw popped open. "Yes. I mean no! Of course not. Maker's breath what's gotten into you? All this because I didn't want to share our sexual exploit in front of him?"

"You've shared everything else with him." Sebastian pointed out.

"Not everything!" Lillian blurted.

"What, what haven't you?" Sebastian challenged. Lillian stared at him, her stomach slithering into knots. "Lily?"

With regret chocking her, Lillian closed her eyes. "He doesn't know...for sure...that Anders desired me...that he wished to make love to me..." Lillian opened her eyes. "But he didn't, we didn't, I swear to Andraste that I turned him away.." she confessed.

"Were you ever going to tell me?" Sebastian asked.

"He's dead what does it matter?" Lillian countered.

"It. Matters." Sebastian responded. "I suspected there was something between the two of you and only now do you confess there very nearly was! How am I to take you at your word about Varric?" he demanded.

"Because if there was something there, I'd have married Varric!" Lillian snapped. The second the statement left her mouth, her eyes popped, and she clasped her palm to her lips. "...I...I didn't mean..." she stammered, her gaze frozen on Sebastian's mercilessly scornful face. She inhaled deeply and tried again. "Varric's never expressed feelings of any kind, nor have I wished him to do so. I...just feel I preserve the right to privacy on certain affairs." she said, grimacing at her poor word choice.

Sebastian barked in laughter, and began to pace. "You wish to speak of privacy? You're a modest woman Lil, I know this to be true, yet you don't object to Varric singing your praises ANY blighted chance he gets...didn't that ever strike you as odd?"

"You're acting propitious." Lillian stated.

"Am I?" Sebastian challenged, his blue eyes revved in an indiscernible flame. "You did not witness your face while he told that tale about you and Ser Cullen. How alive you looked, as if nothing will ever make you happier than listening to that dwarf speak!"

"That's not true!" Lillian moaned.

Sebastian finally stopped pacing. "You may feel close to me because we have much in common, but it's obvious emotionally you're closer to him." he said. Lillian opened her mouth but words failed her. Sebastian stepped closer to her. "Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love him.." he requested.

"I...don't.." Lillian said softly.

"Your voice cracked." Sebastian noted.

Lillian shook her head rapidly, in protest. "This is madness! Your thoughts are consumed by envy and your imagination is running rampant as a result." she argued.

"I wish that were so Lil...but I don't think it is." Sebastian sighed. "Would you have agreed to marry me if it hadn't been a chaste marriage?" he challenged.

"I...no.." Lillian admitted. Sebastian lowered his head. "Because it would've been too soon! Not for lack of loving you.."

Sebastian smirked bitterly. "That's the damning factor isn't it? You've known Varric longer. It took me a year to clean up the damage that had come to Starkhaven after my family was murdered. A year that you spent in Varric's company, without me...drawing ever closer to he and Anders both..."

"Sebastian, I beg you to drop this lunacy. I love you." Lillian responded.

"Do you know this is the first time you've ever said that to me?" Sebastian responded as his sorrow-ridden eyes met her anxious ones.

Lillian slowly shook her head. "That can't be..."

"It's true." Sebastian interrupted. "You love me as an ideal...not as a mate..."

Lillian reached forward and grabbed his hand. "No. As a husband." she insisted. "Things would've never worked between Anders and I...I've never regretted choosing you over him..hey, please look at me...I-don't-love-Varric." Lillian told him, wondering why it was so hard to get the words out.

Sebastian closed the space between them, cupping a hand against her throat, his thumb stroking her cheek. A hesitant smile bit at his lips. "I love you Lillian...but I've always been able to detect hesitancy or tell when a person is lying, it is why I was considered so precious a Brother of Faith.." he responded. "Your eyes tightened the exact same way anytime you spoke about being 'fine' about Leandra's death..a tattletale sign you were lying, such as how your throat clenches when you are unsure of the words you speak..."

Lillian gritted her teeth in anguish, her patience thinning. "Then allow me to put your mind at rest just as you did with me - what happened between Anders and I, is in the past. I was being naive...My life has been more chaotic than I would've preferred, but throughout it all, I have found comfort and solace in you."

"And Varric." Sebastian piped. Lillian stared at him, her mouth slightly ajar. "It's the truth isn't it? You weren't able to find that in Anders, he was unstable and thank the Maker you realized that before he dragged you down with him...but Varric..."

"STOP." Lillian responded, loudly. "Just..stop.." she added softly, leaning forward. Staring into his guarded eyes, Lillian kissed him; his mouth mechanically merged with hers. With angst knitting away at her heart, Lillian broke the embrace. "...Compassion links us Sebastian, not mere commodity or infatuation...true compassion, for each other as well as those around us and the world we live in..I am yours Sebastian, I've been quite happy as your wife even just in name..Please, trust in that.." she finished in a whisper.

It took a moment for Sebastian's stoic face to transform into something resembling a smile. "Let's go back to the inn Lil." he suggested. Lillian nodded mutely, her mind consumed by a messy array of overlapping thoughts. Sebastian's hand slid from her face to her arm and down to her hand; he held it as the two of them returned to the carriage. But once they were inside, he sat across from her. Lillian stared out the window, rubbing at her knuckles mindlessly. It was a silent ride until out of the blue, Sebastian chuckled. Lillian looked at him sharply, thinking she must've imagined it, but there was the smallest of smirks on Sebastian's face. "I just realized, we're acting like true nobility now...having married someone for honor in place of love."

Lillian's inhaled a shaky breath as she repeated "We?"

"I desired you for myself Lil. I saw the way Anders regarded you...I may've married you out of spite just as much as out of adoration.." Sebastian mused.

Lillian wanted to continue the conversation, but she dreaded the outcome of expanding the topic. Despite a deafening inner protest, Lillian kept quiet for the remainder of the ride.

* * *

"Ah my lord," Keyln greeted with a bow. "Did the meeting go well?"

"As to be expected. Are my honored guests accounted for?" Sebastian asked.

"Mistress Isabella is in the tavern. I believe Master Varric and Miss Merrill are in their room. I have not seen Lady Bethany, or her distinguished bodyguard for some time..the same can be said for Aveline..."

Lillian smirked. "Why doesn't Aveline get a fancy title?"

Keyln's face twisted slightly. "She very much disliked it my Lady. Threatened bodily harm if I called her anything more than her name.."

"That sounds like her...Aveline can take of herself but.." Lillian trailed off knowing she needn't finish her sentence.

"I'll go and track down your sister and Fenris. I have an idea where that Antivan busybody may've led them.." Sebastian pressed his lips against hers and pushed through the glided entrance, to the outside.

With a polite smile at Keyln, Lillian headed down the lower level of the inn. The wooden steps were brightly polished and absolutely flawless. Lillian almost felt bad walking on them. The stairway led to a circular tavern, filled mostly with blue-cushioned booths, and stools that were carved to resemble phoenixes, their faces opposite the bar as that its patrons appeared to be sitting on their backs. Isabella was naturally seated on one of these stools. As Lillian drew near, she marveled at how richly painted they were in bright oranges and deep red with blazing burgundy eyes.

"Well this place is certainly cozy." she greeted, resting her arm against the bartop.

"It is." Isabella agreed. "So. How good looking was the cousin? Did he have Sebastian's eyes?"

"He did...he was simple as advertised.."

"Those baby blues are a Vael trait then...Fenris owes me 8 silvers.."

"I don't think I was ever aware of just how much gambling you all do until now.." Lillian mused.

"Because you were always busy with something or other." Isabella laughed. "Speaking of, you need to go talk to Varric.."

"About what?" Lillian murmured. Isabella gave her a knowing look and Lillian broke eye contact in shame. "You think I hurt his feelings?"

"The act did, more than your silence." Isabella responded. Lillian looked at her sharply. "I think it's time you're honest with yourself Hawke. You didn't want to tell him because you care for him. You needn't look guilty Sweet Thing, no sane person is immune to his charms. Lord Celibastion would be wise to acknowledge that.." Isabella hummed, cupping her fingers around her mug. "So, did you come down here to tell me the juicy details of what happened last night?" Isabella asked with a smirk.

"….Weren't you just chastising me for it?"

"I still want to hear about it."

Lillian's eyes darted about the small tavern. "In here? I think not.." she laughed.

"Oh c'mon Hawke, if anyone overhears it'll only help erase his celibacy image. The public doesn't want a sexless king! Trust me on that. "Isabella responded.

"Isabella.." Lillian murmured in disbelief.

"Hawke. I know what I'm talking about. You don't think there's rumors about your cousin bedding King Alistair? There are, plenty in fact." Isabella announced.

"I've never heard any." Lillian laughed.

"She's his adviser, or one of them anyway...it's only natural for such rumors to occur.."

"Helped along by Zevran no doubt."

"Hardly...though he does seem saddened that he didn't get to woo her himself." Isabella responded. "Now spill the goods already!" Isabella persisted banging her fist impatiently.

"He 'performed' and..it was..nice.." Lillian softly indulged.

"Nice?" Isabella echoed.

"I have nothing to compare it to..."

"Even-so...'nice'...? Are we talking his fingers or tongue?"

"...Both.." Lillian muttered. "But mostly the latter.."

"That takes technique, well-trained technique and he has been in the chantry an awful long time.." Isabella mused.

"I'm not complaining Isabella.." Lillian told her.

"But you're lacking enthusiasm Hawke. Bet you'd be telling it differently if it were Varric that had done the deed…" Isabella pondered.

"What?! Andraste's fl-fllaming sword, let's not..." Lillian pled.

"...You're stammering, awe, that's so unlike you." Isabella noted, her copper eyes steering to the barkeep. "Oi, how about a pint for the Champion of Kirkwall?" she called. "Now, you're going to share a drink with me, and then go to Varric and confess...and if you don't I swear I'll confront Lord Celibastion about his poor tongue tricks!"


	6. Chapter 5

Lillian paused outside Varric's door, wondering if sharing a pint with Isabella beforehand had really been a good idea. For some reason, the silence gave her courage and she rapt her knuckles against the wood. "I got it Daisy, keep reading..the best part's coming up.." she heard Varric say. Lillian drew in a breath, for once grateful Anders was dead so she wouldn't have two complications to deal with. The door swung open and surprise flitted briefly across Varric's face. "Hawke. Hi...figured you might stay at the palace once Sebby's dotting cousin handed over the reins...or did Choirboy fail to persuade him?" he asked.

"No, they'll be holding official festivities as soon as they settle on a date." Lillian answered. Varric nodded in acknowledgment. "Can I come in?"

"Well that depends Lavender, have you decided to confine in me after all?" Varric asked, raising his head in a faux snooty matter.

"..About..? No not exactly.." Lillian said softly.

"If you don't tell me, I'll only have to make it up..or ask Isabella.." Varric smirked. "But I don't like where this is going," Varric crossed his arms and Lillian's heart began to race. "Keeping things from me I mean...where does it end Hawke?"

"I did come here for a reason Varric. There's something we must speak about.." Lillian said.

"That right?" Varric mused, raising his head higher as if to turn his nose up at her. He was only able to hold the facade for a few more seconds before his smirk shone through. "Is Rivanni still at the bar?" Lillian nodded. Turning towards his room, Varric said. "Daisy...on second thought, why don't you take your book down to the tavern? I'm sure Isabella would be interested in reading it."

Lillian couldn't see Merrill, but she could hear her voice easily enough. "But it isn't dirty.." she argued.

"Not yet." Varric teased.

"Oh...okay!" Merrill said followed by the sound of a book snapping shut. Merrill hastened to the door, her eyes welling in surprise. "O Hawke...I thought I'd heard you but I was so in absorbed in my story I wasn't sure..you have such a nice voice I sometimes imagine you're reading to me like you do with Fenris...and I'm blabbering, sorry.."

"Maybe I'll read that book with you later Merrill.." Lillian smiled.

"I'd like that." Merrill replied happily as she ventured down the hall with the book tucked beneath her slender arm.

Varric stepped aside and gestured for Lillian to go first. Feeling a lump form in her throat, Lillian entered his suite. "Varric..I need to ask something of you..." she began, slowly pacing back and forth...

"..Okay but you should know you're making me nervous Hawke.." he replied as he perched in his lush armchair. "You're not going to force me to reveal how Bianca got her name are you?" he joked.

Lillian felt a smile tug at her troubled lips. "No..I just need you to be compliant...and open...can you do that for me?" she asked, stopping abruptly.

"About what?"

"..I can't tell you..just agree please.."

Varric mulled this over, a frown plastered on his face, his brow arched low. "...There's not a demon in the adjourning room is there?"

A laugh forced its freedom from her throat. "No.."

"Then okay Hawke, I'm compliantly open.." Varric announced, reclining. Lillian started towards him hesitantly, waging an internal war within herself once again. She paused a few feet away, causing Varric to learn forward, intense worry scribbling on his face. "Shit.." Varric mused as if sudden realization had dawned on him. "Choirboy's queer isn't he?"

"What?! No!"

"Lavender..?"

"No Varric! That's not it at all.." Lillian said.

"Then what? The suspense is killing me..Choirboy turn out to be a eunuch after all?" Varric guessed, his words were light but his tone was gruff.

"No I...I...need to know if you have feelings for me.." Lillian blurted. Surprise gleamed on Varric's face. "..Because I may...hold affection for you, deeper than friendship.." she added in a stammering fashion.

"...Well shit...Aveline and Fenris owe me 30 gold pieces each.." Varric breathed. Lillian was speechless as a smirk crossed his face. "We had a bet going on whether you actually loved Choirboy or if this chaste marriage was a gimmick, to protect yourself from falling under Anders's spell..so to speak.."

"...It wasn't a gimmick..." Lillian said.

"Then why are you here?" Varric challenged. Lillian opened her mouth but Varric answered for her. "Because you're not sure if your feelings for Sebastian are genuine or if they're forced, no matter what you may tell yourself or him."

"...Damnit this is not being compliant Varric!" Lillian snapped.

"Isn't it?" Varric challenged, though his smirk faltered slightly. "Let me ask you something Lavender- do you really want to know? Hasn't it been fun wondering?"

Lillian studied him silently for several seconds. "...Andraste's flaming sword...you..."

"Maybe I do, maybe I don't..." Varric interrupted raising his shoulders meekly. "I've never tried to figure out for sure.."

"I thought you weren't into humans.." Lillian mumbled.

"I'm not but..." he trailed off, averting his gaze.

"...There's a 'but'...?" Lillian breathed, and Varric hesitantly gazed up at her.

"What we have is unique Hawke. It isn't as simple as idolization or infatuation. I like it this way..." Varric responded.

Lillian slowly said. "If what we have is deeper than comradeship no matter how little the depth, then you should've said something when I announced Sebastian's proposal."

"And miss a chance to revel in the mystery? Never." Varric dismissed.

"Varric." Lillian pressed.

"Would it have mattered?" he asked lightly, though the words held weight.

"Yes!" Lillian blurted and it was the third time that day the reserved warrior had spoken unthinkingly. Lillian imagined her face mirrored the chagrin that Varric's did at her outburst. "...You should have said something..." she whispered.

Varric sighed softly, reclining. "What was I to say Lavender? You've always been a champion, even if you took you some time to earn the title. You're a shinning beacon of all that's good and right in the world..Maker, I'm plagiarizing Blondie now..." he realized in a grimace. "My point being, I dabble in storytelling and occasionally in shady business. That's just who I am, who I've always been.." His gaze shifted to the fireplace as he mutely added. "it would've never worked between us..but you and Choirboy, that had a chance of lasting. More so than you and Blondie anyhow."

Lillian chocked on his name. "Varric.."

"There's nothing left to say Hawke. If you want more closure than that, I'll leave." Varric replied, returning his focus to her.

"No!..No...that'll do.." she muttered. "You know I'd cry myself to sleep without my trusty dwarf.." she added with a weak smile.

"Hawke." Varric tutted, shaking his head as a rosy hue slicked across his stubbled cheeks. "...You should probably let yourself out." he suggested, sliding out of the chair and maneuvering to the fireplace. It was supposed to look casual, to sound casual, but somehow both he and Lillian knew the motion was forced. Perhaps that was what drove Lillian to cross the room, hunch down, and wrap her arms around his chest and midriff. Varric was as stiff as stone, and Lillian broke away almost immediately, not knowing it was taking every fiber of Varric's being to remain as still as he was. "Some things are better left undone.." he whispered, more to himself than her.

"...No Varric, that isn't true.." Lillian said. "If I hadn't left things undone with Anders, he may still be alive today...Elthina, the Brothers and Sisters of the Chantry, any lingering orphans, they may not have died because Anders may not have succumbed to Justice. If only I had..."

Varric turned around. "If only you had what Hawke? I don't think anything could've stopped Anders vendetta. You tried, we all tried, to steer him on a more steady path. His thoughts were Justice's thoughts remember? There was no changing that."His words had made sorrow soak into her ocean eyes and it was in that moment, that Varric realized that he did love her. "...Lavender..You can't beat yourself up over something you had no real control of. What happened, happened. We have to move on," he answered. "You're about to be Lordess of Starkhaven, Sunshine finally has a permanent place to call home...all things considered, you have relatively safe footing at the moment."

"And how long do you think that'll last Varric? Don't you think Cullen and the other templars will come after us?"

"No. I don't think that, because Sebastian won't let them. He's sticking an army, nay a nation, between you and whatever backlash Kirkwall cooks up. Which is far more than I would've been able to provide you." Varric responded.

"...Are you telling me that or are you telling yourself?" Lillian murmured.

Varric was silent a moment and he suspected that they were both fighting the same urge. "...It's the truth. You deserve better and you have better Hawke. Let's leave it at that."

All she wanted to do was kiss him, to feel what they both had been denying themselves for ages. "...There is no one better than you..." Lillian told him and with the last of her willpower, she forced herself to turn and walk towards the door. Varric imagined stopping her, grabbing her wrist, reaching for her collar and crashing his mouth against hers fully igniting the feelings that had laid dormant since the day he met her. But he didn't stop her from leaving, he remained exactly where he stood.

Without looking back, Lillian marched to the door, yanked on the handle, stepped out and shut it behind her. Resting her weight against it, Lillian tried to settle the feelings jumbling in her stomach, thumping her head against the door, silently cursing her foolishness.

"Sister?" Bethany's voice caused Lillian's eyes to fly open. "Are you okay?"

"Bethany...where's Fenris?" she asked blankly, pushing herself up.

"What's happened?"

"Nothing."

Bethany didn't believe her sister, but she decided to let it go for the moment. "Sebastian's giving him a talking to in the lobby." she replied with a mild smile. "Though I don't think Zevran's so bad..I know what he's after and he knows I know, but he's still been rather sweet."

"Where did you three go after you left the palace? You said you were headed here..." Lillian said.

"Zevran showed us where Starkhaven got its name. It was so peaceful sister, an entire pond populated by starks, just bathing and eating. The entire time, Zev was telling tales about when he traveled with our cousin...she's an arcane warrior sister, do you have any idea how rare that is?"

"No." Lillian admitted dutifully. "But I do remember Mother claiming she was half elven...that the ears had snuck through the Amell traits."

"How come I never knew? Zevran told me she had pointy ears, and that she always wore her hair up, like you.."

"She sounded like a proud woman from what Anders used to say.."

Bethany smile was short-lived. "How do you think she'll feel knowing we left Anders to die like that?"

"I don't know...she may understand...given the circumstances..." Lillian murmured.

"I hope so.." Bethany said, as Lillian's eyes darted to Sebastian and Fenris who were walking up behind Bethany.

"Everything alright Lil?" Sebastian greeted. Lillian nodded. "So Bethany, Fenris tells me Zevran was speaking of Jasslyn during your prolonged time together.."

"He was.." Bethany said.

"Lillian and I have already heard much from Anders, but I am interested in hearing what you've learned from Zevran.." Sebastian responded. "Would you care to join, Lillian, Corbinan and myself for dinner at The Dragonfly? It would be prudent for us all to be there, as this will be the first appearance I make in public.."

"Maker...I don't think I've ever ate at a proper eating establishment..." Bethany mused. "I'd love to go."

"Then let us regroup in the lobby in a half hour.." Sebastian announced with an easy smile. Lillian watched as Bethany and Fenris retreated down the hall. She didn't notice Sebastian walking up to her, until his palms embraced her hips. "You sure you're okay Lil? You seem a bit troubled.." he noted, his smoldering blue eyes boring into hers.

"...It's been a...mind-numbing day Sebastian.." Lillian replied honestly.

"It has..." Sebastian uneasily agreed.

"Do you know which barber would be appropriate for me?" Lillian asked.

Sebastian's eyebrows flew, then knitted together. "You wish to cut your hair?" he murmured as he struggled to remember the number of times Lillian hadn't worn her hair tied in a bun.

"The image of a Champion differs from an image of ruling, does it not?"

"Well yes but..."

"I don't mean to interrupt," Aveline spoke up. "But you two are barring the hallway."

As Sebastian stepped to Lillian's side, she asked. "Where have you been Aveline?"

"Securing passage for Highever. I intend to meet Donnic there.." Aveline answered readily.

"You're leaving?!" Lillian blurted.

"This was decided before I left Kirkwall...I can't just abandon my husband Hawke.." Aveline said pointedly. "And as hospitable as this place is, Starkhaven is simply not where we belong.."

"You are welcome to return anytime Aveline." Sebastian told her.

"Kind of you to say." Aveline replied as Isabella swaggered up behind her.

"You're leaving Big Girl?" she greeted.

"Tomorrow I will be." Aveline said.

"Awe, won't you wait for the festiv...oh what am I saying of course you won't.." Isabella sighed. "And here I thought I'd be the one to duck out first..."

"You wouldn't be able to leave without sleeping with half of Starkhaven first." Aveline joked.

Isabella's minor scowl was replaced with a smirk. "Oohh I'm going to miss you." she admitted wrapping Aveline in a hug. It was only then that Lillian noticed Merrill approaching.

Merrill asked cluelessly. "What's going on?"

"She's leaving us Kitten.." Isabella informed. "What took you so long anyway?"

Scuffing at the carpet with her bare feet, Merrill murmured. "It took me a moment to notice you were gone.." she admitted. "This book is far too captivating, if I didn't know better I'd say it was enchanted."

"All good stories are like that Daisy." Varric spoke up, earning the focus of Lillian and Sebastian. Varric's gaze however was solely on Aveline. "Leaving us so soon Clementine? Who's going to enforce the 'no friend-fiction' law now? Certainly not Hawke.." he teased, strutting between Lillian and her beau without so much as a glance at either of them.

Aveline turned her bemused gaze on Sebastian. "Piece of advice Lord Vael? Devise a law just for Varric." she retorted.

Varric gawked. "Aveline I'm hurt you would even say such a thing." he pouted touching his chest for emphasis, before pointing at Seb. "And don't bother yourself Choirboy, I'll be out of Starkhaven before its decree." he promised. "Hell if I wasn't allergic to parryfizzles, I'd travel with Aveline...until I recall she wants to slap a special law on me anyhow."

"What in blazes are parryfizzles?" Lillian asked. For just an instant, she wondered if Varric would ever look at her again, but just as quickly her wondering proved needless as his copper eyes met hers.

"A plant native to Highever of course." Varric answered.

"Why are they called parryfizzles? Do they block your path?" Merrill pressed.

"They sure do Daisy, at least until you pull or hack the little nuisances into submission..then they just fizzle and die.." Varric replied, gesturing with his hand.

"Did you just make this up?" Isabella asked as Sebastian tugged on Lillian's wrist and led her down the hall.

"Rivanni I thought you knew better than to ask me things like that.." Lillian heard Varric say. "Last time I encountered a parryfizzle, I nearly lost my right foot to the cold!"

Sebastian pushed through their room with Lillian on his heels. She had barely stepped more than three feet, when Sebastian closed the door and rounded on her. "What's happened Lily?" he demanded. Lillian stared at him with a confused scowl gnarling at her plush lips. "Suddenly you want to shorten your marvelous hair? And the look exchanged between you and Varric..."

"What look?" Lillian interrupted with genuine curiosity.

"You tell me." Sebastian retorted, putting his hands on his hips. "Just what were you doing while I was fetching your sister?"

Lillian couldn't help laughing. "Are you accusing me of something? Maker your jealousy knows no bonds! No wonder your parents locked you away in the Chantry.."

Sebastian took a furious step towards her, when a persistent scratching noise drew his attention to the door where Cessah was begging to come in. "You're right. My jealousy has been overbearing...it's just.."

"May I ask something?" Lillian cut in. "Would you still have wed me weren't I part-nobility? If I weren't a champion would you still have asked my hand in marriage?"

Now it was Sebastian's turn to stare, and when he spoke, it was barely above a whisper. "..You think me so shallow Lil?"

"That's not what I..."

"That I'm a slave to tradition, that I have no thoughts of my own?..Of course I'd still have married you...perhaps this is a question, better aimed at yourself..."

From the hallway, Cessah's bark rang out through the silence that endured, followed by Fenris clearing his throat. Lillian finally tore her eyes away from Sebastian. "Your cousin awaits us, as does my sister." she muttered.

Sebastian walked up to her, but Lillian didn't have the heart to meet his gaze. "Our earlier discussion Lily, rattled me as well...it is a bitter pill to swallow knowing that our marriage was conceived with imperfection...but nothing has changed between us...We are bond to each other in the sight of the Maker as well as His bride. I love you no less than I did yesterday...I hope you can say the same about me.." As Lillian looked up at him, she came to a conclusion of her own and it consisted of bad tidings.

Sebastian had barely stepped in the door's direction when Cessah let himself in, revealing Fenris leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. "Bethany wants to see you Hawke. Alone." he informed.

"Is something the matter?" Lillian asked.

"I don't know." Fenris answered hesitantly. "Our room is the last on the right..."

With a brief glance at her husband, Lillian set out down the hall. She rapt on Bethany's door once, paused a few seconds, then knocked twice more. It was an old code they used in Fereldan, a signal that meant it was safe to come out, that no templars were lurking about. "Come in." Bethany's soft voice said, barely audible behind the wooden door. Lillian entered and found her sister sitting on one of the beds.

"Please in Andraste's name, tell me this isn't about Zevran.." Lillian jokingly pled with a sour smile.

Bethany returned the bittersweet grin. "No. It's just that we havent had a real chance to talk since we've arrived...and I cant help noticing things are tense between you and Sebastian..Are you okay sister?"

"..Yes..of course..I'm just.."

"Lying."

Lillian studied Bethany, then sighed. "Can everyone tell when I'm lying?" she fretted, siting down beside her sister.

"We Hawkes have always been terrible liars, though I still think Carver was worse.." Bethany mused with a sad smile. "I'm not trying to pry, I just noticed in the hall that you looked..well like something was bothering you..."

Lillian debated telling Bethany the truth, but she was afraid her sister would scorn her if she did. "It's nothing sister..."she said hoping she was lying more convincingly now.

"It's Varric isn't it?" Bethany pried, and Lillian realized she still lacked the proper way to lie. "You were outside his door...and you were devastated...Does he not feel the same way?"

".._What_?" Lillian gawked in genuine surprise.

"I've had the suspicion ever since we started collecting coin for the deep roads expedition...but nothing ever came of it." Bethany explained.

Lillian attempted to swallow the shock she felt. "..How could you've known how I felt when I didn't myself?"

A feeble smile nipped on Bethany's lips. "There's that saying - true love is blind.."

"Oh Maker.." Lillian groaned sinking backwards onto the bed. Shielding her face with the folds of her arms, she hesitantly asked. "Do you remember what you were saying on the voyage here? ..About my wedding ring?"

Bethany's face clouded into indecisiveness, but she answered. "Yes."

Lillian peeked at her sister. "Tell me that was drunken nonsense.."

"...I wish it were..." Bethany muttered, avoiding eye contact.

Lillian unfolded her arms, gazing at her ring finger. "It bears the mark of Tethras..." she said to herself. A contorted smile lodged itself onto her face, as she lowered her arms then pushed herself up on her elbows. "An inside joke between Varric and Isabella no doubt...I remember Sebastian telling me she helped pick out the ring...those blighters..."

"Maybe he had planned to give it to you himself and when he realized that was no longer an option he..."

"Don't! Please..don't finish that sentence.."

There were very few times Bethany could recall seeing her sister as upset as she was right now. "...I'm sorry." she told Lillian.

Lillian sat up, massaging the base of her neck in an effort to ease her anxiety. "While we're alone, I must ask - do you like it here?" she responded.

Bethany's eyes strayed to the window as she replied. "It's peaceful, and its beauty is rather staggering...flawless one might say..." Her eyes returned to Lillian. "But I'm not sure it's home. What happened in Kirkwall isn't going to simply fade away. Our story's not over sister, I think you know that. You may want it to be, I sort of want it to be..but staying here until we're both elderly..it would be a mistake. It isn't who you are Lily...and I dont think it's who I am either." Bethany rose off the bed and paced a bit. "It's strange..I wanted this for so long, someplace safe, somewhere where we could settle down...but that was before the Blight struck...before we lost our family...to have it now, this safety, when something dire is looming..it just feels wrong.." Bethany finished.

"..What do you want to do?" Lillian asked softly.

"Truthfully, I want to leave with Jaslynn when she comes. Anders was my friend too sis..I doubt he ever told you, but he used to steal your stationary and write me under the penname "Mr. Wiggums"." Bethany smiled but it was only momentary. "I want to honor his sacrifice. I want to be a part of whatever happens for mage-kind." Bethany answered.

"I won't stop you." Lillian murmured.

"I know you won't...but I want you to be happy sister. If you truly dont wish to rule this land with Sebastian, tell him. " Bethany whispered. Cessah barked outside their door. "..Time for dinner...but please Lily, think about what I said..it's not too late.."

"..Isn't it?" Lillian replied dryly.

* * *

A/N - I put a lot of effort into perfecting the scene between Hawke and Varric...it was almost a soul-searching event for a Vawke shipper such as myself. So a review would mean the world to me. ;3


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